The trouble with adulting is when you say yes. You wouldn't think that such a teeny, tiny three letter word could cause so much trouble. I mean, isn't saying yes a good thing?
Would you like a cookie? Yes.
Would you like a free vacation? Yes.
Would you like some wine? Yes.
Would you like me to pay your loans off for you? Yes.
Would you like 1 million dollars no strings attached? Yes.
Would you like to date this super attractive, down to earth actor? YES, please.
All of those seem like incredibly easy things to say yes to. Complete no brainers. In fact Tina Fey tells us to say yes and figure it out later. But therein lies the problem, at least for me.
I am the type of person that says yes. I am a yes (wo)man. I have a certain brand of tourettes that comes out when people are looking for help at a meeting. Someone asks for help and without even thinking I find myself should "yes yes yes yes yes yes yes" until my name is written down on yet another committee or signed up to plan yet another event.
Picture this:
You are sitting in a meeting, we will call it a staff meeting. You are surrounded by 30+ other people who are all hearing the exact same message you are. Suddenly it comes to the point in the meeting where the presenter is asking, no, begging for help. The, up to this point, noisy meeting has become quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Nay, quiet enough to hear the hearts beating out of people's chests as they attempt to avoid any type of eye contact. You can almost hear the sounds of 60+ pairs of eyes slides from the presenter to anywhere but.
You try your absolute hardest to keep your eyes on your paper. You start to nervously doodle and tap your pen which only draws more attention to you. You feel your eyes failing you as they start to rise toward the speaker, the damn traitors.
You quickly glance up and try to coerce your eyes back to the table before anybody noticed, but it is too late. You made eye contact with the presenter and here is where it all ends for you. You might as well promise the speaker your first born (furry or otherwise) because all bets are lost at this point. It is time to wave the white flag and surrender. You start the staring contest that inevitably ends with you saying yes. You can't take it anymore. Too much eye contact, too much silence. So you start to chant "no no no no" in your mind. Your new mantra - you swear you will take the word NO to the grave. Unfortunately your body has other plans to betray you because no matter how much you scream NO inside your head you suddenly realize that your ears are tuning into the words yes bubbling out of your mouth.
It may not be a strong yes to start. Just a mere whisper. But it is enough. That whisper was heard by the entire room. The presenter comes a little closer and asks you to repeat what you said. Here, in a last ditch effort, you try to get the word no to come out of your mouth. But your body fails you again, and before you know it people are smiling and nodding their heads knowingly in your direction. They may appear to be thanking you for volunteering but in all honesty they have their own mantras running through their heads.
It may go something like this:
Sucker!
I knew she would give in first.
She always says yes so I don't have to.
Maybe I should say yes sometime to give her a break ... HAHAHAHAHA, yea right.
Phew. I survived another meeting without getting roped into another acronym of a meeting.
I don't know if it is a genetic deficiency or what, but for some of us it is nearly impossible to say no. We write notes to ourselves in meetings that say "keep your mouth shut" and then we trace it over and over again whenever we feel the word yes getting ready to vomit its way out of our mouth. Sometimes we even tag team it. When your BFF is getting ready to produce some word vomit of her own we vigorously tap her paper or throw a SHH in her direction. Hopefully it helps. Though if she keeps quiet, then you are dooming yourself to yes-hood. And if someone asks us directly? Then forget it, yes is the only option.
I'm not saying we should never say yes. I am saying that we need to learn how to say it within reason. We cannot keep saying yes and loading our plates so full that they are cracking down the middle. Because suddenly the one crack will spider web its way out and you will continue to super glue it together until it cannot take anymore. It will break and so will you. We need to make sure that when we say yes, we aren't also saying no to ourselves.
On that note ... I leave you with a few creative ways to say no.
Would you like a cookie? Yes.
Would you like a free vacation? Yes.
Would you like some wine? Yes.
Would you like me to pay your loans off for you? Yes.
Would you like 1 million dollars no strings attached? Yes.
Would you like to date this super attractive, down to earth actor? YES, please.
All of those seem like incredibly easy things to say yes to. Complete no brainers. In fact Tina Fey tells us to say yes and figure it out later. But therein lies the problem, at least for me.
I am the type of person that says yes. I am a yes (wo)man. I have a certain brand of tourettes that comes out when people are looking for help at a meeting. Someone asks for help and without even thinking I find myself should "yes yes yes yes yes yes yes" until my name is written down on yet another committee or signed up to plan yet another event.
Picture this:
You are sitting in a meeting, we will call it a staff meeting. You are surrounded by 30+ other people who are all hearing the exact same message you are. Suddenly it comes to the point in the meeting where the presenter is asking, no, begging for help. The, up to this point, noisy meeting has become quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Nay, quiet enough to hear the hearts beating out of people's chests as they attempt to avoid any type of eye contact. You can almost hear the sounds of 60+ pairs of eyes slides from the presenter to anywhere but.
You try your absolute hardest to keep your eyes on your paper. You start to nervously doodle and tap your pen which only draws more attention to you. You feel your eyes failing you as they start to rise toward the speaker, the damn traitors.
You quickly glance up and try to coerce your eyes back to the table before anybody noticed, but it is too late. You made eye contact with the presenter and here is where it all ends for you. You might as well promise the speaker your first born (furry or otherwise) because all bets are lost at this point. It is time to wave the white flag and surrender. You start the staring contest that inevitably ends with you saying yes. You can't take it anymore. Too much eye contact, too much silence. So you start to chant "no no no no" in your mind. Your new mantra - you swear you will take the word NO to the grave. Unfortunately your body has other plans to betray you because no matter how much you scream NO inside your head you suddenly realize that your ears are tuning into the words yes bubbling out of your mouth.
It may not be a strong yes to start. Just a mere whisper. But it is enough. That whisper was heard by the entire room. The presenter comes a little closer and asks you to repeat what you said. Here, in a last ditch effort, you try to get the word no to come out of your mouth. But your body fails you again, and before you know it people are smiling and nodding their heads knowingly in your direction. They may appear to be thanking you for volunteering but in all honesty they have their own mantras running through their heads.
It may go something like this:
Sucker!
I knew she would give in first.
She always says yes so I don't have to.
Maybe I should say yes sometime to give her a break ... HAHAHAHAHA, yea right.
Phew. I survived another meeting without getting roped into another acronym of a meeting.
I don't know if it is a genetic deficiency or what, but for some of us it is nearly impossible to say no. We write notes to ourselves in meetings that say "keep your mouth shut" and then we trace it over and over again whenever we feel the word yes getting ready to vomit its way out of our mouth. Sometimes we even tag team it. When your BFF is getting ready to produce some word vomit of her own we vigorously tap her paper or throw a SHH in her direction. Hopefully it helps. Though if she keeps quiet, then you are dooming yourself to yes-hood. And if someone asks us directly? Then forget it, yes is the only option.
I'm not saying we should never say yes. I am saying that we need to learn how to say it within reason. We cannot keep saying yes and loading our plates so full that they are cracking down the middle. Because suddenly the one crack will spider web its way out and you will continue to super glue it together until it cannot take anymore. It will break and so will you. We need to make sure that when we say yes, we aren't also saying no to ourselves.
On that note ... I leave you with a few creative ways to say no.
- No thank you. This is not a priority for me right now.
- I would rather shove a lightsaber into my eye. Or yours.
- This sounds like the perfect opportunity for you. You would be amazeballs at this.
- I would rather listen to "It's a Small World" on repeat, for 12 hours.
- My gut is telling me I would be terrible for this job.
- Respond by asking them if they would like a cookie. (only if you can pony up)
- "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request."
- No way, Jose.
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