I Am Not Perfect

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I say things I shouldn't say. I eat things I shouldn't eat. I do things I shouldn't do. I enable people I shouldn't enable.

Sometimes I want to punch someone in the face. Sometimes I want to yell at the top of my lungs when things don't work out the way I want them to. Sometimes I want to stay in bed and pull the covers over my eyes.

I am not perfect.

I know I am not perfect and I know that that is okay. I know that there is no such thing as perfect. So why is it that I feel the need to BE perfect?

This is true in many facets of my life. I want to be the perfect teacher, employee, sister, friend, fiance, partner, daughter. I want to have perfect hair, make up, clothing, weight. I want to be the happiest, nicest, most optimistic person possible. I want to be liked by everyone. But striving for perfection only leads to defeat and deflation.

The majority of this pressure comes from myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect and I tie that to a scale (both literal and figurative) that has high expectations that can be hard to balance with real life. And it is exhausting. It is exhausting trying to stay within the two pound range that is your "live with it weight". It is exhausting trying to please everyone. It is exhausting to continue saying yes, yes, yes in hopes of high approval rating when you really want to say no. It is exhausting to be the people pleaser who only wants to please others even if, internally, you are sinking because you just want to do something for yourself.

I do not believe that this is something that I, alone, struggle with. I think a lot of people experience the pressure to be perfect every single day. It can be overwhelming. In fact, it IS overwhelming.

Maybe we just need to be a little nicer to ourselves and understand that perfect is impossible.  The adage of "you are perfect just the way you are" is one we all need to focus on a little more.

Hate is NEVER the Answer

Today is June 12, 2016. That means that we have been living in 2016 for a whopping 165 days. Already in those mere 165 days, we have witnessed 133 mass shootings.

In 2015, the United States saw 372 mass shootings. That is more than one mass shooting per day for an entire year ... with a few left over.

In 2014, the United States saw 280 mass shootings.

According to the FBI, a mass shooting occurs when four or more people are killed or injured at a single event, in the same general time and location, not including the shooter.

If we move beyond a mass shooting, and look at the number of gun violence incidents the results are chilling.

2014 saw 51,820 incidents
2015 saw 53,272 incidents

In 2014, 628 children were killed or injured.
In 2015, 698 children were killed or injured.

CHILDREN. We are talking about children under the age of 11. This is horrific.

In 2014, 12,593 people died.
In 2015, 13,429 people died.

In 2014, there were 1,605 accidental shootings.
In 2015, there were 1,965 accidental shootings.

What the hell is wrong with us?

This is a topic of intense conversation in our country. To make changes, or to leave it alone? Do we change our gun laws to make it harder for people to get their hands on guns? Or do we leave it alone because it is our second amendment right?

I'm sorry ... this is probably going to stir up some anger when I say this ... but using the second amendment as a reason to keep your guns is bull shit. This is the not the wild, wild west and we don't need to carry guns with us anymore. We do not have to protect our homes from soldiers invading them. We do not have a well regulated militia.

The second amendment says: A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

I don't know about you ... but when I read this I don't see any part of it that says, hey, don't forget to bring your gun to the movie theater with you. This amendment is about the concern of the national army posing a threat to the separate state's security. It is really about when people served in the militia, their right to bear arms would not be infringed.

There is ZERO reason to have any type of guns other than your hunting rifles which should be kept locked in a gun safe. There is ZERO reason to have any type of assault rifle. The argument there is that people like to shoot them for fun. Be that as it may, there are a lot of people who have access to them (legally or otherwise) who use them for a different purpose. A purpose that ends with 50 people dead in a Florida nightclub.

I am not saying that people can't go hunting. I come from a family of hunters. I love venison as much as the next person. And that is fine - hunt responsibly. But why, when you are not hunting, do you need to carry a gun with you? I am also not saying that people shouldn't own guns. I'm saying we need to do SOMETHING about this.

Something needs to change. We continue to have mass shootings and if the trend of shootings continues this year, we will experience more mass shootings than last year. This is a problem.

What is the solution?



*Statistics are taken from the Gun Violence Archive. 

This Is Your Sign

We humans live our lives by the grace of signs.

We wake up in the morning to an alarm blaring - a sign it is time to start our day.
We come running when we hear our personal ringtone - a sign that someone is calling.
We glance at our phone when the text tone goes off - a sign that you have a message.
We listen to bells ring at school - a sign it is time to switch classes, eat lunch or go to recess.
We keep our eyes open when driving to see yields, no right turns - signs that keep us safe in the car.
We wait for the red light to turn off on the stove - a sign that the oven is preheated.
We carefully label our businesses - signs that welcome customers in.
We take our temps if our heads feel hot - a sign that we are sick.
We check labels for warnings - signs of what not to do.
We even deliver signs to people when they make a dumb move by saying, "Here's your sign!"

But there is one type of sign that we obsessively look for, desperately searching the skies for a sign. This is a sign that we may or may not see. It is a sign that could be right in front of our face, though we are completely oblivious to it.

This particular type of sign is one that I, personally, yearn to see. It is a sign from Heaven.
A sign from my dad that says, "Don't worry, I am okay."
A sign that says, "I love you."
A sign that says, "I am proud of you."
A sign that says, "I'm here."
A sign that says, "You will be a beautiful bride."
A sign that says, "You will be a great mother."
A sign that says, "I miss you."

But what is it? What does a sign from Heaven, from our loved one really look like? Did you know that they actually make top 10 lists about this? I mean, who sat there and polled the world asking what type of sign they believe they saw and then compiled a top 10 list? But they did ... and here it is. (Though you should know that despite saying they are a top 10 ... they are really a top 9)

1. Dream Visitation
2. Strange Electrical Occurrences
3. Feeling their Presence
4. Smelling their Scent
5. Show up as an Insect, or an Animal
6. Moving Objects or Placing Objects in your Path
7. Communicate a Message
8. Increased Number of Coincidences
9. Visions

If you ask me, this list is pretty vague. So anytime the lights flicker I should assume it is my dad? My grandpa? Anytime a bug crosses my path or a deer shows up, I should assume it is him? I don't know if I buy it.

Saying this, the other day there was a majestic deer standing by the bike rack when I got to work in the morning. We stared, frozen, at each other for awhile - neither of us daring to move. Then a car drove past and broke our trance and the deer gracefully ran away. I admit that for a few moments I did wonder if it was my dad. Ultimately, I thought that it was a nice thought but couldn't say if it was a sign or just another deer hanging out at school, which they commonly do.

How do we know if it is a sign? When is a coincidence a coincidence and when is it a sign? I don't have the answers to this - at all. But I do know that I wish I would obviously, and conclusively receive a sign from above. A sign from my dad who I fiercely miss.

So, here I sit. Begging the dear Lord above for a sign. Hoping that when or if it does appear that it smacks me in the face so that I absolutely know it is what it is.

Time

31,536,000 seconds.

525,600 minutes.

8,760 hours.

365 days.

52 weeks.

8,409,600 breathes. 

10,512,000 blinks.

2,920 hours of sleep.

2,080 hours of work.

1,996 pounds of food eaten.

5,840,000 words spoken.

Phew, I am sure that most of you are thinking that this is a lot of numbers and they seem quite randomly strung together. There is a purpose to it, I promise.

All of the numbers listed above from 52 at the smallest to over 31 million at the largest are ways to measure a year. You can measure a year in many different ways - some that you may not have thought to use as a measurement tool.

There is a well known saying that says, "Life is Not Measured by the Number of Breathes We Take, But By the Moments that take Our Breathes Away."  Well ... that may be true, but apparently we can measure our life by the number of breathes we take. Over 8 million to be exact.

So, why am I sharing this with you? Well ... I have found that time is a really hard concept to understand (and no, I am not referring to teaching students how to find elapsed time - that is a blog post in and of itself). I keep trying to figure out how the measure of time can remain constant, yet feel so erratic.

When you are bored, an hour of time drags so slowly that it may as well go backwards.
When you are having fun, an hour of time flies at the speed of light.
When you are watching a loved one suffer, every second is a painfully long tick on the clock.
When you are missing someone desperately, the days travel at two speeds - simultaneously at a snail's crawl and at a cheetah's run.
When you find that you have massive amounts of stuff to do, the year moves faster than is possible while you watch your to-do list seemingly grow.
When you want to get married, then time appears to melt off the clock.
When you want to have a baby, the time you spend trying to get pregnant feels like eons longer than it actually is.

What is up with that? How can time drag by second by second, and then fly by day by day as you anxiously wish for more time. Is there ever enough time?

I obviously don't have the answers here, folks. But it is food for thought, I guess. How do we desperately hold onto the time that we have and truly make the most of it while honoring those that we miss?

We live. We breathe. We remember. We smile. We laugh. We hope. 

A Weighty Issue

I have always wondered why so much of our standard of beauty is measured by the numbers on a digital scale. And why so many of us drag that scale around with us, on its heavy chain shackled to our ankles. (Don't get me wrong ... I am 100% guilty of this.)

Why is that we feel the urge to step on the scale to torture ourselves every single day? You wake up in the morning and prior to showering you have to face your demonic scale. You feel the pull from the tip of your toes to the split ends on each individual hair. Will it be nice? Will it be mean? You find yourself muttering a quick prayer to whatever Patron Saint of Weight that you can think of that the numbers stay within the range that you call "The I Can Live With It" numbers. You take a deep breath and you cautiously step on. You release your breathe of air and dare to glance down at the numbers...

Now what? Now the numbers you see will dictate how you feel for the rest of the your day. If they are within the ICLWI range you continue your day as normal. If it is lower? You float through the day feeling pretty damn proud of yourself. If it is higher? You might as well climb back in bed because you are going to feel awkward and uncomfortable all day long.

But why?! Who decided there was a number on a scale that determined beauty? And not just on a scale - clothing sizes,  shoe sizes and don't even get me started on jeans.

The standard of beauty has changed so much with the passing of years, and with the shift from true to form sizes to vanity sizing.

If we rewind the metaphorical clock all the way to the 1400s and 1500s you'll notice that plump was the unparalleled sign of beauty. Have a few extra rolls and thunder thighs? Then watch out because you are at the top of the courting food chain.

The Victorian era was exactly the opposite. The thinner the better. Here is where the pain of being beautiful came into play. Corsets that could shrink your wait to a mere 12 inches. 12 inches?! You couldn't breathe and it was the norm to break a few ribs. But wait ... you want to be extra thin, but make sure you add a few bustles to your dress so that your rear looks big. Because a thin waist and a large rear was all the rage.

Then fast forward to the 1900s, where we find women who were tall and slender but with large T & A. Though to achieve this look women and girls had to wear incredibly uncomfortable corsets.

In the 1920s we shift to the flapper era where the ideal woman had shorter (boy-ish) haircuts, slender bodies with flat chests and no curves. In fact, large breasts were frowned upon during this time! The goal was to be thin and androgynous in this era.

The World War era of the 1930s - 1940s, women's curves were emphasized by their clothing and the beauty standards of the celebrities were easier to attain than ever before (or ever again). The average American woman had a BMI of 23.6, whereas celebrities had a BMI of 20.3.

The 1950s is probably my favorite era because it emphasized fuller figures! The hour glass shape was in. We were back to women having curves and being proud of their bodies. Of course it became a harder to attain the beauty style of the celebrity world.

The 1960s saw a throw-back to the 1920s when thinner than thin figures were admired and the androgynous look was in.  If you had curves, you were not welcome here until the latter part of the 60s when the hippie movement came out in full force.

Now in 2016, we are continuing the thin is in rage. People strive to be thinner than ever, sometimes to the point of making themselves sick. They buy into diet fads and miracle pills to try to achieve the impossible beauty standards that society has given to us. We watch moves and feel poorly about our bodies because our thighs are bigger than the actress. But you know what? That is a load of crap. If we worked out multiple times every day and had a personal chef, we would look like that too.

So what happened? It seems to me that we flip-flop depending on the decade that we are in. Thinner than thin to fully figured and curvy. If only our culture could find a combination of both and celebrate the beauty of all!

Eat! Enjoy life! Indulge in that extra piece of chocolate! Have fun with your friends! Embrace your beauty!


Sources:
http://www.rehabs.com/explore/womens-body-image-and-bmi/
http://lookdamngood.com/10-eras-of-beauty-how-our-perception-of-beauty-has-changed-over-time/6/