A Birthday Request

On the eve of what would be my dad's 62nd birthday, I find myself sitting on the couch watching a home video from December 1986. I would've been 3 months old at the time and my twin and I are being passed around the table from person to person. My sisters and cousin are playing with the game SIMON trying to remember the increasingly complicated patterns. My mom is in and out of the kitchen in her baggy shirt and large 80s glasses. My dad sits at the table with a big, bushy mustache and a full mop of hair atop his head. Grandma (Aunt) Marge is proudly showing off her "Grandma Marge" sweatshirt happily explain that all of the grandkids names are on it with "Andy's being somewhere up here." All of this being filmed with a video camera the size of a 10 pound baby.

It is the picture of happiness. The family is all there and everyone is happy and together. Political strife hasn't driven its wedge between opposing parties within the family and all the people I love are there. These were the good old days (even if I only remember them from videos).

I completely realize that I am a glutton for punishment by watching these videos, especially today. Today when I miss my daddy dearly and yearn for what should have been. I also realize that I am *really* lucky to have these videos so that I can still hear his voice, however painful that is.

Fast forward a few minutes in this sadly blurry video and I hear my dad behind the camera calling. "Carolyn! Caro-lynne-poo! Kevie! Kev Kev Kev Kevie! Carolyn! Caro-lynee-poo!" As he tries to get us to look at the camera.  Something he will never do with my children.

Fast forward a bit more to a scene when mom is feeding me with her right hand while shaking a container of wipes with the other to keep my attention. She is speaking to Grandma Marge and lamenting the fact that if she told Caitlin and Kristen to nap they wouldn't, but if Gary did they would go right up and go to sleep. All of this in the midst of a conversation about Dynasty and the magazine "National Star".

My dad was a good great man . He was a man that was taken too God-damned soon from all of us, but he was a great man. He was a man who was focused on helping others even if it meant massive frustration on his part. He wanted to change things for the better and help everyone he possibly could. He was involved in organizations whose sole focus was to help bring those into nature would couldn't go on their own. He wanted to help others and spread kindness until the very end. He led a life filled with acts of kindness.

Ultimately, I don't know who reads this blog ... but my mom has put out a request and I am requesting the same ... tomorrow, in honor of his birthday let's spread those seeds of kindness far and wide. Do something nice for someone else. Give someone a hug who needs it. Do a random act of kindness for which you receive nothing except the satisfaction of knowing you did good. It is the little things that often have the largest impact. Not sure what to do? Look here for some ideas. So if you are reading, spread those seeds and be kind to one another.

This Is Your Sign

We humans live our lives by the grace of signs.

We wake up in the morning to an alarm blaring - a sign it is time to start our day.
We come running when we hear our personal ringtone - a sign that someone is calling.
We glance at our phone when the text tone goes off - a sign that you have a message.
We listen to bells ring at school - a sign it is time to switch classes, eat lunch or go to recess.
We keep our eyes open when driving to see yields, no right turns - signs that keep us safe in the car.
We wait for the red light to turn off on the stove - a sign that the oven is preheated.
We carefully label our businesses - signs that welcome customers in.
We take our temps if our heads feel hot - a sign that we are sick.
We check labels for warnings - signs of what not to do.
We even deliver signs to people when they make a dumb move by saying, "Here's your sign!"

But there is one type of sign that we obsessively look for, desperately searching the skies for a sign. This is a sign that we may or may not see. It is a sign that could be right in front of our face, though we are completely oblivious to it.

This particular type of sign is one that I, personally, yearn to see. It is a sign from Heaven.
A sign from my dad that says, "Don't worry, I am okay."
A sign that says, "I love you."
A sign that says, "I am proud of you."
A sign that says, "I'm here."
A sign that says, "You will be a beautiful bride."
A sign that says, "You will be a great mother."
A sign that says, "I miss you."

But what is it? What does a sign from Heaven, from our loved one really look like? Did you know that they actually make top 10 lists about this? I mean, who sat there and polled the world asking what type of sign they believe they saw and then compiled a top 10 list? But they did ... and here it is. (Though you should know that despite saying they are a top 10 ... they are really a top 9)

1. Dream Visitation
2. Strange Electrical Occurrences
3. Feeling their Presence
4. Smelling their Scent
5. Show up as an Insect, or an Animal
6. Moving Objects or Placing Objects in your Path
7. Communicate a Message
8. Increased Number of Coincidences
9. Visions

If you ask me, this list is pretty vague. So anytime the lights flicker I should assume it is my dad? My grandpa? Anytime a bug crosses my path or a deer shows up, I should assume it is him? I don't know if I buy it.

Saying this, the other day there was a majestic deer standing by the bike rack when I got to work in the morning. We stared, frozen, at each other for awhile - neither of us daring to move. Then a car drove past and broke our trance and the deer gracefully ran away. I admit that for a few moments I did wonder if it was my dad. Ultimately, I thought that it was a nice thought but couldn't say if it was a sign or just another deer hanging out at school, which they commonly do.

How do we know if it is a sign? When is a coincidence a coincidence and when is it a sign? I don't have the answers to this - at all. But I do know that I wish I would obviously, and conclusively receive a sign from above. A sign from my dad who I fiercely miss.

So, here I sit. Begging the dear Lord above for a sign. Hoping that when or if it does appear that it smacks me in the face so that I absolutely know it is what it is.

Tech - no or yes?

Technology can be a wonderful thing. It can be used to assist humans in every facet of their life. People can buy groceries, clothes, shoes, gifts, TVs, games, books, and movies without leaving the comfort of their own home. We can search for the person of our dreams and even embark on an online date while sitting on the couch in grungy clothes and nobody will ever know that you skipped a shower that morning. We can get a degree, go on virtual field trips, talk to friends, book a vacation, find recipes and never open our mouths. We can stream movies and music without having to go to the store to buy the record or rent the movie. All of this is literally at the tips of our fingers.

This all sounds wonderful, doesn't it? I mean, who seriously doesn't want their groceries delivered to their doorstep? I am guilty of doing many of the activities I listed above and find myself at a loss when the wifi is down. I am a HUGE reader ... but if the wifi is down I can't stream music while I read my real book rather than the computer version of a book. It is so much a part of our lives that many of us do not even know how to function when the internet is down.

Technology is something that makes our lives easier ... but if we take it away can we still function as human beings?

In the world of technology ... you can reinvent yourself online and allow people to get to know the "new" you. You can photoshop your photos, only share your best attributes, and well, lie. Nobody will know unless you decide to meet in real life.

In the world of technology .... students struggle to write complete sentences and rather write using "text speak" -u, r, k, TBT, TTYL, *$, BBIAF, HOYEW. (If the rest of you are wondering what those mean ... don't worry, I had to look it up too...)

In the world of technology ... you can say whatever you want via text or e-mail. The shyest person suddenly becomes the bravest because you don't have to worry about seeing the other person's reactions or feel bad when they start to cry. Because their tears are hidden behind their phone. You don't see the pride, joy, sadness, shame or hurt that comes from your words.

In the world of technology ... you text rather than talk on the phone. In fact, you prefer to text and feel wholly uncomfortable when you are asked to focus solely on a phone conversation and not multi-task.

In the world of technology ... you see tables of people going out to dinner where every single person is holding some form of technology. Even the two year old at the table knows how to work an iPad and can even be seen teaching their parents what to do.

In the world of technology ... you can order drinks, appetizers and even call your server back to your table using a tablet ... which can be found at every single table in the place.

In the world of technology ... you don't dare go somewhere alone without your headphones. You walk through the mall with your head down and eyes blazing holes into your phone screen. You walk with ear buds in as you take the dog out, or when you hike alone on a trail. God forbid you listen to the birds singing.

In the world of technology ... you stay up late on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Instagram, SnapChat checking up on the latest gossip and pics. So much so that the blue light our device emits causes you to sleep poorly ... which in turn causes you to grab the technology which in turn causes you .... you get it.

In the world of technology .... you have millions of books at your finger tips. Many kids prefer to read books on their Kindle, Nook, or iPad rather than experience the feeling of turning the pages by hand.

So where is the happy medium? Should there be tech free hours in homes? Schools? Libraries? At what point does technology do us more harm than good? 

Friend Zoned

Recently, I met someone for dinner that I had encountered in the online dating realm. We talked online, texted a lot and finally decided to meet. Our schedules didn't coincide very well and we live almost 2 hours from each other. We finally found a date to meet, made a plan and got together. Everything was great, we talked a lot and there weren't any awkward pauses but I couldn't get the thought out of my head that he would be a great friend. That's it. A friend.

Now, this doesn't seem like the end of the world. But I suppose, if you are online dating and looking for your forever partner ... deciding that you should just be friends might be a bit ... well ... harsh. When you are looking for the one to love and settle down with and start a family with, being "just" friends kind ruins future plans.


You have to decide how to let the other person down gently.
Do you pretend for awhile? No, because then you are leading them on.
Do you just blurt it out? No, because then you are insensitive.
So you come up with a speech to let them down easy. And then you feel like the biggest prick in the world because he laments to you that he lives in the Friend Zone.

To most women, it doesn't seem like such a bad deal to have guys who are our friends. Especially if those guys are willing to listen to you, hug you when you are sad, and just generally be there for you (bonus if they are funny and make you laugh) so that you can do the same for them without any expectations or strings attached.  But, it seems that to guys ... this is the worst place to be! It is like the Twilight Zone of relationships and nobody wants to be there. I mean, I get it. If I were placed in the Friend Zone by someone I wanted to be in a relationship with, I would be devastated. But ... you never hear about girls being put in the Friend Zone. It is this elusive place where girls aren't allowed.

Men are put in the Friend Zone and women are just told that "he isn't worthy of you if he doesn't want to date you". Why the double standards?

The Friend Zone isn't a new concept, it is represented in many movies and books throughout time. In the Harry Potter series Severus Snape is the epitome of the example of "friend zoned" as he is placed there early on by Lily Potter and never got out. Gale is Friend Zoned by Katniss in the Hunger Games. George is Friend Zoned by Meredith in favor of McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy. Even Forrest Gump is Friend Zoned by Jenny.

So how do we change the Friend Zone to being a positive rather than negative location? Can it be done? Is it okay for males and females to be friends? 

The Men of Online Dating, Pt 6

It has been awhile since I wrote about the men of online dating ... but as I continue in this adventure I realized that I forgot one of the men you'll meet while fishing in the murky waters of the online dating pool.

The You Look Nothing Like Your Picture Guy

Like so many other times, you find yourself aimlessly scrolling through the pictures of your "matches" that the computer has somehow scientifically decided you belong with ... and there he is. His picture catches your eye and causes your scrolling finger to leap off of the track pad and abruptly stop the stream of eyes imploring you to click on their profile.

You decide that while it may be too good to be true you click on the photograph anyway. You open up the profile and start to read. Your eyes are widening in disbelief as this guy seems way too good to be true - could this be the man you are going to date? Will he respond? Because, hot damn, he is one attractive man (and yes, let's all accept the fact that looks come first in online dating as shallow as that may seem).

So you send him a message and start down the long road of getting to know someone. Miracle of miracles, everything goes swimmingly and you find out that you have a few things in common (okay, 2 things but he is really cute). Ultimately you decide to meet.

You pick a location, you put on your best outfit and you drive to the predetermined location. You wait. And wait. And wait. Finally someone comes up to you and tells you that they are the person you are meeting.

Say whaaaaat? You have no clue who this person is. The name sounds familiar but you have never seen this person before in your life. Is it a big misunderstanding? Or have you just been cat-fished?

The downfall of online dating is that people can seriously change their appearances, likes or dislikes to make themselves more appealing to you. People, own it. Own who you are and be honest with each other. What do you think is going to happen when you meet? Do you think she (or he for that matter) will just hangout with you when she has no idea who you are? Ever hear of stranger danger?

On the flip side ... I have encountered Ross Geller in my online dating foray ... and since he is a fictional character (from Friends in case you have been living under a rock) from a 90's television show ... I'm going to go with he is the perfect example of this time of man.

Best Laid Plans

Our best laid plans are often ... mislaid.

Most people grow up planning their future. They plan out what GPA they will have in high school ... what college they will attend ... when they will get married ... when and how many children they will have ... where they will live and so much more.

But something tends to happen along the way that makes our straight laced plans go haywire. I saw this picture on Facebook (again) the other day and it really resonated with me.

Looking back at my life, I think of all of the plans that I had envisioned for my future. They, of course, changed as I got older but I always intended that I would meet the man I would marry in college. I would graduate and then we would be engaged and married and having our first child by 26 - 27 at the latest. We would be a happy little family and everything would be perfect.

Of course ... that did not happen and nowhere near close to it. So my straight arrow of a plan turned into a massive jumble of lines with no distinct ending. Here I am at almost 29 and none of those plans I had for my life have come to light.

Is that a problem? For awhile, I would've said yes. But I think that the true answer is no. Would I have loved for that life to be true? The perfect plans and the perfect family and perfect life? Well, yes, absolutely I would say that that would be quite amazing.

But, boring. I think when life follows the straight path we intend for it ... our life doesn't have much excitement. We all could do with less heartbreak, less sadness and do with more joy and happiness. We may find it hard to contain our despair that life is not going how we planned and we may find it hard to accept that the path is not straight and narrow.

Perhaps we should take a page from Robert Frost and take the road less traveled. Embrace the craziness of life, enjoy the twists and turns along the road and learn to like the chaos. 

The Eiffel Tower

I may be jumping out of order in the Fabulous France trip I took ... but as cliche as it is, the Eiffel Tower was one of my favorite parts of the trip. The Eiffel Tower is one of the most iconic landmarks in Paris. Even the most naive person in the world can identify the Eiffel Tower. Any film that is set in Paris includes at least one romantic shot of the tower ... any photograph series set in France will have at least one beautiful photo of the tower ... it is so iconic that even my three year old nephew knew that I was at "Eiffel" but could not tell you I was in France.

I honestly cannot even describe how I felt when I first saw the Eiffel Tower as I flew into Paris. Our plane turned slightly and there is suddenly appeared towering over the rest of Paris through the small window of the plane. I craned my neck and stood up as best I could in my seat barring removing my seat belt and just smiled. My heart swelled and I knew I would love Paris. Even my awake-for-36-hours-sleep-deprived-brain knew that I would forever leave a piece of my heart behind.

The Eiffel Tower is massive, and that is an understatement. The Eiffel Tower was originally built for the World's Fair in 1889. Once the exposition was over, the Parisians wanted it removed but Gustav Eiffel, of course, wanted it to stay. He was so proud of his tower that he decided to add an antennae to the top so that the Parisians would want it to stay to improve radio frequencies (of course this is the high abridged version of the tower's long history). The millennium brought a sparkling light show that would allow the tower to sparkle every hour after dark. It was only meant to last that year but the people fell in love with it and it remains to this day.

I was lucky enough to stay in a hotel that had a roof top terrace where I could watch the Eiffel Tower sparkle in the evening - and I have to say this is one of my favorite views of Paris. We came up here every night we were able and enjoyed a glass of wine and soaked in the view. The Eiffel Tower to one side and Sacre-Coeur to the other. Then at nine-fifty-nine pm we all would jump up and hold onto the railings as we eagerly awaited the show to being. The tower would light up and start to sparkle at ten on the dot and the show would last for five minutes. It would be nearly impossible to drag your eyes away from the glorious twinkling tower in the distance.

While there, we were fortunate enough to eat dinner at 86 Eiffel, which is a restaurant located on the first floor of the tower. It is a completely surreal feeling to know that you are eating dinner ON the Eiffel Tower. Following quite possibly one of the most delicious meals I have ever had ... we climbed the 340+ steps to the second floor of the tower and enjoyed the views there before making our final trek to the top.

I couldn't even believe that I was standing on top of the Eiffel Tower. On top of all that, it was sparkling as we reached the top and I knew that I was part of the beautiful spectacle that I enjoyed nightly. My heart swelled as I walked around the top and I knew in that moment that I would always hold a special place in my heart for Paris ... because Paris is truly always a good idea.

Paris is always a good idea

Audrey Hepburn is famously quotes as saying: Paris is always a good idea.

I have always loved this quote but could never truly understand her saying that until I visited Paris myself. I had always felt the pull of Paris and it was a city that rested near the top of my bucket list. The allure of Paris is one that cannot be described but one that is distinctively felt.

Last night I got home from spending a little over a week in France. It was a trip to remember and one that I did not want to come home from. The next several blog posts will chronicle my time spend in France and the adventures that were had.

Our first day in France was busy. We were all incredibly exhausted from flying through the night and sleeping very little on the plane. We arrived at Charles de Gaulle airport (a CRAZY airport) around 6:30 in the morning and off we went. This was not to be a day of rest. A chartered bus picked us up at the airport and we started to drive towards Normandy.

Our first stop was in Giverny at Monet's Gardens. Here we got to see the famed gardens of Monet's many gorgeous paintings. These are the gardens that he built in order to paint during the impressionist movement. Even though his art was then technically not impressionistic ... they were
beautiful. The impressionist movement was when artists started to paint the things that they saw in everyday life and paint it many times in different lights. Because Monet build his gardens to suit his paintings ... they weren't technically impressionistic. But they were gorgeous!

The gardens were ones that every horticulturist dreams of. Gorgeous ponds full of blooming lily pads, flowers of every color in full bloom and quaint bridges ... full of tourists! It was a busy place but definitely worth the stop to see the fabulous gardens. Visitors can also tour the house of Monet and see many of his paintings on display.

From here our bus driver took us to our hotel. We were all incredibly ready to check into our hotel room, grab some dinner at hit the hay! Of course dinner was so delicious and it ended with the best piece of apple tart that I have every had ... Tomorrow we head to the beaches of Normandy! 

Karma

Today marks the three month milestone since the break up of my ex and I. I don't think about him on a daily basis anymore though sometimes he does scratch his way into my consciousness. I have spent more time in the past three months thinking about Karma and why good things happen to bad people and on the flip side why bad things happen to good people?

I realize that nobody is all good nor are they all bad. I'm sure even the fairest of them all has a guilty obsession or a bad thought here or there. It's only natural. But if we really look at the concept of Karma ...

Do people really get what's coming to them? Does what goes around really come around?

The whole idea surrounding karma is that if you live a good life, then your life will be filled with good things. But if you live a life full of bad deeds, then you will have bad things happen to you. In Hinduism and Buddhism, karma is the sum of deeds in this and all previous forms of existence which will decide your fate in future existence's.

So you start to think about karma and you start to look back at the choices you have made in your life. You decide that you ultimately have lived a good life and have ultimately made good choices. You put others first and helped where you could. You volunteered your time and donated money to charity. You compare that to what you really want in your life and you ask yourself, "What the **** did I do in a past life to deserve this?"

Is it really that simple?

Can we chalk all of our missed encounters or the experiences we have in life to fate or destiny?

If that is true then that means that the widowed mother of four whose home went up in flames did something truly awful in her past life. That the homeless man who won the lottery lived a life of quiet servitude in his past life. That the child who grew up in a home of abuse deserved it from a previous life of bad choices?

Is that karma or just luck? A lot of people have a lot of feelings about the validity of karma. I can't exactly say where I stand.

So, what is it?
Is Karma truth?
Does everything we do in this life have a say in our next life?
If we ruin our run as the Prince, do we return as a pauper?
Or is it garbage? Karma isn't real and it is just the luck of the draw?

I guess we'd better make good choices and BE KIND just in case ..

Universal Studios Tips and Tricks

Our trip to Universal was a whirlwind ... but I did learn a few things during the 2 1/2 days we spent there. So ... here are my tips and tricks to make your trip as fun as it can be!

• Buy your tickets online. They are cheaper online than they are at the gate. Look around for discounts - different groups may offer corporate discounts or loyalty programs.
• Bring water bottles and snacks. Universal is great in the way that it allows you to bring in your own water bottles, granola bars, fruit or vegetables. They will search your bags but they allowed us to bring in cliff bars and water bottles for lunch. 
• Download the Universal Wait Time app if you have a a smart phone. This saved us and allowed us to do everything we wanted to do at the best time. 
• Enjoy the wait ... Universal does a really great job with entertaining guests while waiting in the lines. The lines cycle through sets where you can feel that you are part of the action and brings the movies to life.
• If you are going in the summer ... dress cool! It gets pretty darn warm and humid. A lot of the line are covered ... but not all. Bring sun glasses, hats, water and wear shorts. 
• There are Starbucks on property and they will accept a Starbucks gift card if you have them. It is a great place to get a cold drink on a hot afternoon.

Then there are the rides ... there were several rides that we didn't have strong feelings about riding, but it turns out they were some of the best rides there!

• Despicable Me Minion Mayhem - I really wanted to ride this one but the lines were always huge. My tip is to go to this ride right at park opening. The wait time will be shortest at this point. It is a really fun ride and the best I can compare it to is the game Minion Rush. It is a really fun 3D ride where you feel as if you are actually on a roller coaster! It was a really fun ride, but over quickly. If you appreciate minion humor, then it is a must see.
  

• Poseidon's Fury - This isn't a ride so much as an interactive show. You take a tour of Poseidon's ancient temple led by a "local archeologist" who does a STELLAR job. We were really impressed with the actor who led our tour but figure he must be exhausted by the end of the day! The line can be long on this way but it is also a great option if it is raining outside. I give this ride two thumbs up.
  
• The Amazing Adventure of Spider-Man - This ride was spectacular. I have seen the Spiderman movies but have never had strong feelings either way about riding the superhero rides. But we decided to go for it on this one because it wasn't a loop-de-loop roller coaster but it was AH-MAZING. This is definitely a ride not to be missed. If we had another day we probably would have ridden this one again!

• Harry Potter Escape from Gringotts  - This ride was awesome and again the wait time isn't bad if you go right away in the morning. Universal creates the world of Gringotts for you to explore as you wait in line.
  
• Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey - This ride is incredible but may leave you feeling a little nauseous. It is more on the side of a roller coaster than a basic ride but it is well worth the feeling! You will feel like you are flying over Hogwarts castle as you follow Harry and Ron on their broomsticks.
  
• Dr. Seuss Land Caro-Seuss-el - Yes, it is a carousel that you might attribute to a children's ride ... but who doesn't love to go round and round on one of Dr. Seuss' magical creations? To top it off ... this ride books it. It isn't the typical slow moving carousel, you better buckle up, hold on and enjoy the ride! 

All in all, enjoy your trip to Universal! 

Harry Potter: Hogsmeade

After your adventure in Diagon Alley be sure to travel in style to Hogsmeade just as the average witch or wizard does on their way to school. Hop aboard the Hogwarts Express! Be sure you have your wand and all wizarding supplies before you head to school!

The Hogwarts Express ride is unique depending on which way you travel so be sure to ride it in both directions. Be sure to pay attention to both the windows and the doors as the adventure is shown on both directions. The train is built to look just like the Hogwarts Express and it is a very comfortable ride between parks. If you get on the train from King's Cross Station you will get to walk through Platform 9 and 10 to enter 9 3/4. Make sure someone in your party stays a few steps behind to capture your movement through the wall.

It does require a park to park ticket to ride so make sure you get one before you go!

Once you finish your ride on the train, head straight to the castle and get in line for this ride. Once again, we only waited about 45 minutes but the line can take several hours. This ride though, is incredibly worth the wait. There is SO much to see and take in throughout the ride. You get a full tour of the castle and the grounds. Take a peek into Dumbledore's office, the herbology classrooms and much, much more!

This ride is REALLY fun but also a bit more like a roller coaster. I feel a little queasy after riding this one, but it is SO. MUCH. FUN. This is another 3D ride and is a twirling, whirling, screaming and screeching kind of ride. Definitely brace your stomach and do the ride even if you don't have rock hard nerves. 

The Flight of the Hippogriff is also a really fun ride. Take a peek at Hagrid's Hunt and meet Buckbeak the Hippogriff on this low stress roller coaster. Fun for the whole family! 

Both parks have a lot of fun live performances, so be sure to check the schedule and take in a few of them! Diagon Alley has more live shows than Hogsmeade but take in the shows in both parks. Don't forget to grab another Butterbeer to enjoy with the show! 

For The Times They Are A-Changin

They say change is a good thing. They say that everything must change and evolve. They say that the only thing constant is change. They say that time changes things.  They say that change is inevitable. They say, they say, they say.

I know it is an age old question, but who the hell is "they" and what do they actually know?!?!

This week the school year ends. In less than 42 hours my fourth year teaching fourth grade will be over. This year was the first year of Educator Effectiveness. It was the first year we had to prove our worth to the state, to prove that we were effective. It was the first year that our state made the move to not require educators to hold a bachelor's degree in an education related field.
Change.

Typically, I spend the last week of school packing up my classroom for summer and packing up my life as I prepared to move to Colorado for 2 1/2 months. This year, I am not going to Colorado. I am only packing up my classroom with an uneasy feeling deep in my soul, like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop with a massively loud clang as it bounces down a flight of stairs.
Change.

Just over two months ago, I was in a committed relationship that I thought was going all the way. I thought that I would have an incredibly busy summer spent hanging out with said man. We are no longer together and I head into summer without a lot of day to day plans and without the mountains to soothe my soul.
Change.

This year I will watch my twin brother getting married. I watch as he plans his wedding with his wonderful fiance. I look at how much he has grown up and swell with pride that my "baby" brother's life is falling into place exactly where it should be. I move towards the feeling that I will be the only single adult in our immediate family. No more buddy system for us single folks!
Change.

So, maybe what "they say" is true. Chang is inevitable. But the real question is what do YOU say?

To quote Avenue Q, "except for death and paying taxes everything in life is only for now." Change may be the only constant thing in life, this is true. The changes in life aren't going anywhere and there isn't anything we can do about it no matter how much we fight, scream, kick, and claw away from it. So, we should have something to say about the change. How we react. How we feel. What we say in the heat of the change - be it good or be it bad. Maybe that should be our goal ... to react to change with poise, elegance and hope and see how it goes down the road.

If that doesn't work ... then bite, kick, scream, and claw your way through life until you find peace because the truth of the matter is that we don't have any control and life will be better once we accept that. :)

(Now if you figure out that acceptance ... please guest author!)

Have Courage and Be Kind

Tonight I went to see (for the second time) the live action Cinderella with my niece, Isabel.

There is a strong theme that runs through this movie that is actually one that should be heard loud and clear in our world and taken to heart by every Cinderella loving girl or boy. Surprisingly enough it isn't that a new pair of shoes can change your life - though I do openly and  wholly support the purchase of new shoes... But ... The message was much stronger and much more important than that.

Have Courage and Be Kind

What exactly does it mean to be kind? How do we define kindness?

Interestingly enough my students had a guidance class today which was centered on the idea of kindness. Their substitute guidance teacher started the lesson by asking them what it means to be kind to others? My students fumbled with finding a definition that didn't include the word 'kind'. They shared examples like "well it means to be kind to someone else" or "being kind to someone is well, you know, being kind". Nobody could actually offer up a definition of the word kind without using the word itself. They could, on the other hand, offer up a lot of examples of how you can be kind to others.

Kindness can be defined as being friendly, generous and considerate of others.

This definition doesn't seem too difficult to understand. Be friendly. Be generous. Be considerate. It all seems pretty straight forward to me. But ... if it really is that easy, then, why is it so hard to do?

I think the movie meant their phase "Have Courage and Be Kind" to mean two separate things. Have Courage. Be Kind. Two separate entities. I can absolutely see how that would be the case ... but I would disagree. I think that have Courage and be Kind to others can be seen as one message. Have the courage to be kind to others: be friendly, be generous, be considerate.

It takes courage to be friendly to those who are different than ourselves. It takes courage to be friendly to those who have differing beliefs than we do even if we believe they are wrong to our core. It takes courage to be friendly and not roll our eyes, or provide a snippy comment without thinking. It takes courage to be friendly rather than resort to violence or bullying. It takes courage to be kind.

It takes courage to be generous to those who are less fortunate than we are or to those who are more fortunate than we are. It takes courage to be generous with our time when we offer it up to others even when we have so much on our over flowing plates already. It takes courage to be generous to someone we have never met. It takes courage to be kind.

It takes courage to be considerate of others feelings. It takes courage to acknowledge their feelings and that what we say might hurt them. It takes courage to realize that words are stronger than actions. It takes courage to be considerate of how others might feel when you act out against their wishes. It takes courage to be considerate when standing up for what you believe in. It takes courage to be kind.

We all have loads of s*** piling up in our lives that we need to deal with on a daily basis. We all have trials and tribulations that we are fighting to overcome and we are all on different steps of that journey. And even though we would all like to be egocentric in our thoughts, words and actions ... we need to remember the importance of being kind.

Have Courage and Be Kind.

photo from here

The State of Teaching

Fair warning ... this post will focus on the downward spiral that is the teaching profession. So if you are a republican supporting, Scott Walker loving, hating public education kinda person ... you can stop reading now. Or better yet, please do read on. Read on and open your eyes to the travesty that is happening in what used to be a great, great state.

A statement released today by the Department of Public Instruction said that, "The legislation being rolled into the biennial budget would require the Department of Public Instruction to license anyone with a bachelor’s degree in any subject to teach English, social studies, mathematics, and science. The only requirement is that a public school or school district or a private choice school determines that the individual is proficient and has relevant experience in each subject they teach."

So. Wait. Let me get this straight. In the state of Wisconsin anybody with a bachelor's degree would receive a teaching license? Anybody? It doesn't even matter what their bachelor's degree is in, they would be licensed to teach English, social studies, math and science?

Someone please tell me, how does having a Bachelor's degree in Business Management gives you the appropriate credentials to teach common core mathematics to a bunch of fourth graders? Please, tell me how a Bachelor's in Business Management is going to help you teach the multiplication place value sections area model to a student who comes from a low income family and can't afford to eat breakfast?

By this logic, I am qualified to do all sorts of things with my life. I have a Bachelor's degree in Education so clearly I am qualified to work in other fields as long as I have relevant experience.
I have flown in a plane and therefore I am qualified to fly a plane.
I have cooked food and therefore I am qualified to be a top chef in a fancy restaurant.
I have sung along to the radio and therefore know that millions of people who like to hear me sing.
I have driven a car and therefore can be the Chief Executive of Automobile Safety.

Right?

Now what do they consider 'relevant experience' in the field? If they aren't required to have a degree in teaching and take courses in each of those subject areas ... where do they receive the relevant experience? Is it enough to have sat through math classes during elementary school - does that count as experience? Where is the line drawn?

On the flip side of this ... we are treating our teachers who have a valid, hard earned teaching license as if they are the scum of the earth. Teachers are required to undergo the Educator Effectiveness evaluation system. The system where we look teachers square in the face and say, "You Suck. Now prove you don't."

Even in the justice system we say that people are innocent until proven guilty. We give them the benefit of the doubt and allow them to state their claim. Yet, we don't give educators the benefit of the doubt. I'm not saying that we don't need an evaluation system. We just need a refined one where we differentiate what teachers are asked to prove. We shouldn't tell all educators that they suck and then ask them to spend 20+ hours to prove their worth to 'the man'. 20+ hours where they could be working on activities that they could use with their students.

I don't know if I know the answers to solve these problems. But I do know that we are not doing right by our students. We are not supporting the teachers who work hard and sometimes even give their lives to support their students. We need to keep qualified educators in the classroom.

Something has got to change or the state of our state will continue to burrow deeper into the mud. 

Positive

I always considered myself to be a glass half full kind of person. I tirelessly looked for the silver lining on every gray cloud. I consistently put on a cheerful face and embraced the situation as I experienced it.  I always considered life to be a journey and any mishap just added to the adventure. The adventure being a positive experience that we could learn and grow from. When people asked, I would readily describe myself as an optimist. I had a well oiled perma smile that was ready at a moments notice.

I was a glass half full kind of person.
In public.
At school.
At work.
Around most family members and friends.

But perhaps it is time to ask ourselves just what we are doing to ensure that everyone is a glass half full kind of person, even when in private. A person's true feelings and personality may not shine through in the public eye ... but is blazingly obvious and hard to hide when they are alone or with the person they trust most in the world.

This picture/quote has been floating around the blogosphere for the past few weeks and it really got me thinking. How much do we not know about our neighbors, friends or family and are we contributing to the battle? Are we making that battle that much harder or are we offering people a hand in defeating their demons? Are we doing a rain dance to make that uphill climb muddier, or are we showing up with an umbrella and offering to walk besides them?

There has been a lot of talking in the media of different types of 'shaming' that is going on. Whenever we shame someone else for not meeting the ideals that we consider normal, we are hindering them in finding the silver lining in the battle they are fighting. We are bringing the rain down on an already hurtful situation. We are removing droplets of water from their glass half full outlook and encouraging them to focus on the dark rather than the bright, shining silver lining. 

Every time we ridicule someone for being heavier than what society considers to be a normal weight, we take a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we ridicule someone for being skinnier than what society considers to be a normal weight we take a drop from their glass half full.

Every time we ridicule someone for not having the money to dress in the hippest clothes, as identified by their peers, we take a drop from their glass half full.

Every time we minimize a situation that someone is struggling to overcome, whether it be a breakup, losing a job, or a death in the family of someone too old, too young or not yet met, we take a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we minimize someone's self worth because of their chosen profession or the amount of money they make in a year we take a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we ignore a job well done, or conveniently forget to say thank you, you're welcome or please we take a drop from their glass half full.

Every time we compare ourselves to society's standard of beauty we remove a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we take a drop from their glass half full we rob a person who is typically optimistic their optimism.  We encourage them to see the rain rather than the rainbow. We encourage them to focus on the battle rather than the light at the end of the tunnel.

Is that what we want to be doing? In our society is it our goal to focus on the bad? 

We should be focusing on KINDNESS. Being kind to one other and offering to listen, not fix the problem or fight the battle, but to just listen if they wish to talk. To be there for someone and stand besides them and not minimize their feelings. 

The truth of the matter is, is that we don't know who is plastering on the perma smile only to take it off and cry the moment they are alone. We don't know who is fighting the hardest uphill battle of their lives. They may not know that the light exists and the end of the tunnel and everything will feel normal again soon ... it isn't our job to tell them this. It is our job to offer a kind smile, a hug, or a pat on the back. It is our job to show up with a $2 coffee to start their day off right. it is our job to offer a random act of kindness that does not require retribution. 

If all it takes is a little kindness ... why is it so hard to accomplish? 

The Green Eyed Monster

Jealousy is a really interesting concept. It can be something that encourages you do to better or it can be a debilitating pain that you find it hard to control. William Shakespeare described jealous as the green-eyed monster whereas others may consider jealousy a disease. Jealousy is something that creeps into your life without you even thinking about it or encouraging it - it is just there.

Jealousy is defined by Webster as "feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success or advantages." I'm not sure that I agree with that completely. Is it really resentment? Or is it flattery? Or is it just an undying longing to have what the other person has - not through resentment but through longing?

So, I can't help but ask myself ... is it really so bad?

Yes. And No. I think it all depends in the execution.

If you fall in the camp of yes, jealousy is a terrible thing then that tells me that your execution - failing. If you don't get hired for the job and you throw a bitchin' fit in the parking lot, stomping and screaming at the applicant that did get hired ... Then yes, jealousy is a horrendous thing. If you are truly feeling unrelenting resentment towards the other person then yes .... jealousy is a terrible thing. But what is resentment is the wrong word?

Let's continue by exploring the no. Is it really so bad to feel jealous of something that someone else has? When I was a child, the mantra was always that jealousy is the highest form of flattery. If someone has the time and energy to feel jealous of you, then that means they want to be more like you. Therefore, on the other side of that coin ... if you feel jealous of someone else, you are really just experiencing some intense feelings of how much you want what they have or want to be like they are.

In elementary school, you are jealous of someone who has a larger pack of unbroken Crayola crayons that you do. You are jealous because they have something that you want.

In middle school, you are jealous of someone for having cooler clothes than you do or being part of the popular group of students. You don't know the word resentment, you just want what they have more than what you have.

In high school, you are jealous of someone for getting the part you wanted in the play but because they are your friend you are still happy for them. You don't resent them, you just wanted the same part they did.

In the adult years, you are jealous of someone for having all of their ducks in a row. You are jealous of someone who is on the right track. You don't resent them and wish away their happiness, you just want it so desperately for yourself that you feel an intense longing. You remain happy for them, and support and cheer them on along their journey. But in your heart, you feel the green-eyed monster peeking out as you hurriedly squash it down to stay hidden. You hope that your skin isn't starting to turn girl as it channels the wicked witch of the west and pray desperately that no one else will notice.

But the truth of the matter is, this is normal. It is normal to feel jealous and want what others want because the grass is always greener.  Someone's sugar is always sweeter and their rainbows are ever brighter.

So, where do we go from here? How do we feel jealous of someone without it ruining the relationship? How do we feel jealous of someone without letting resentment creep in? How do we feel jealous of someone without letting the inner bitch jump out? I guess we take deep breathes, push the monster back down and move on with our lives.