Time

Time is an interesting thing. We measure it in numerous and different ways.

To a child waiting to spring from their seat and go out for a recess, a minute feels like an hour.
To a child having the time of their life at a sleepover, an hour feels like a minute.
To a college freshman frantically trying to finish their exam, a minute slips through their fingers like water.
To a college freshman anxiously awaiting the arrival of their family, a minute feels like ages.
To an adult who is mourning a loved one, a year feels like the blink of an eye and yet also the length of a decade.

We all measure time in different ways and our concept of time changes depending on what we are doing, working towards or hoping for. How can time be something so concretely fluid?

Is there a way to stop time and soak up the love we feel? Or is there a way to speed up time in moments of immense heartbreak and loneliness?

Today, my students and I were reading a Time For Kids and exploring the greatest inventions of 2016. We were looking at and discussing the Tiangong 2 space station and a student raised their hand high into the sky. You know, the kind of hand raise that looks like they are going to take off from their seat? I was sure his comment would not be at all connected to our discussion, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

"Ms. Green! Do you think they'll invent a time machine? Because I know how to travel through time!"

While this comment made me giggle a little bit (inside) ... it got me thinking about what I would do with a time machine. With a machine that would allow us to literally bend the constraints of time... When would I go? Who would I go see? And how would my arrival change our future?

I'm sure we all can name a definitive moment in our history that we would love to "replay" or "redo" or "remove" from our history ... but at what cost? Would it be worth it to see a loved one again, even if it might cause greater heartache?

I don't have the answers ... I can't even share my opinion. But the concept of time is definitely an interesting one.

When would you go? Who would you see? 

2016

So, it has been awhile since I posted last and for that I apologize. Writer's block and all that. But today, as it is the last day of the year I thought I'd share some measured musing.

2016 ... you've been a bitch. In this past year I've learned a lot, discovered a lot and cried a lot.

I learned what it felt like to experience an earth-shattering loss. The loss of my dad this year was not something I expected to experience in my 29th year of life. I thought I would experience that in my 50 or 60th year of life. I wasn't prepared. Though I don't know that anyone can actually be ready for this type of situation. His illness was a shit storm of bad news that we could never actually process or accept in those short 5 1/2 weeks. After his death, I learned what it was like to create a new normal when you still felt the Gary Green sized hole in your heart. His absence is massive and we will never stop feeling that.

Throughout the grieving process, I learned what people should not say to someone who is grieving. I learned this through what people said to me and even through the head tilt, and now I can hope to know what to say to others as they experience loss within their own lives.

I learned what an impact my dad had on others. It is incredible to continue to discover how he touched so many others.

I learned that your family is your most important circle. Keep them close. Love them. Support them. And thank your lucky stars that you have them. Even though you may not always get along, they are the ones that will go to war for you.

I cried. A lot. I cried at times when I couldn't even identify what made me cry. I cried in loss. I cried in frustration. I even cried in happiness. When my best friend proposed to me I cried out of happiness (after the shock wore off at least). I couldn't believe that this was happening to me, in fact I looked at him and asked, "Are you kidding me right now?" before saying yes! I cried out of immense happiness.

I discovered that I fear for our future after our presidential election. I worry about a future with a president who does not have a filter and clearly does not support women, public schools or minorities. I worry about those that voted for him because I don't understand.

I discovered that people are wrong. They like to say that in times of distress you learn who your true friends are. I call their bluff. Yes, it is INCREDIBLE the number of people who come out of the walls to help you when you are struggling. And that is truly amazing and I am so grateful for those who did. But I think that you discover who your true friends are after the loss has occurred and everyone returns to their daily routines. Your true friends are those who continue to ask how you are doing and want to spend time with you even though your time of distress was months ago.

I learned that I need to not care so much about what others say or think about me. I am me, and if you don't like it then suck it up buttercup. Obviously, I can't make that a resolution or anything because I will never stop taking it personally. But I should. I shouldn't let other's opinions of me affect my mood and self-esteem. I shouldn't, but I do.

2016 was a rough year for many. Many people experienced loss of a loved one far too soon. Many people experienced heart ache. Many people experienced frustrations, trials, tribulations and hard times. But if I have learned anything in 2016 it is to spread kindness and hold onto the good things.

So, as we move into 2017 let's all focus on a bright new year. Hold your loved ones close, be kind to one another even if they aren't like you and you don't understand their lifestyle, help those who need help, and focus on the positive.

xoxo

Imagination and Reality

It has been almost 5 months since my dad was taken from us by the hands of the super bitch, Cancer. I don't think anyone would argue with us that his death was awful and unnecessary (though people still say stupid shit like, it is so much easier for you that he died after only 5 weeks - add that to the list of things you should never say to someone who is grieving). Despite that, and time having continued to pass, we are still grieving.

This week I am house and dog sitting for my mom so she can take a much needed trip to Connecticut to see her best friend. However, this isn't my usual stint in house and dog sitting because I am in her new house. A house that she moved into a month or so ago. A house that is filled with all of her belongings. A house that feels a little bit like her home. A house that her dogs run and bark around.

And yet, something is off. I don't feel him here.

I look around this home and I see his caribou, an ever present fixture. I look around this home and I see our family pictures. I look around this home and see his chair where he often was found on a cold winter's evening. I look around this house and I see his collection of native american artifacts that he acquired on his trips to the southwest.

But I don't feel him.

I think that is the benefit and downfall of moving after a death. My mom needed to move. It was too hard for her, and really all of us, to be at the old house. We could see him everywhere and his belongings were still scattered around the house. It was his space and his house and his dream. This is a two edged sword though. It is too painful to see him everywhere we looked at the old house, but it is too painful to not see him everywhere we look at the new house.

It almost feels like we are all just playing pretend. We are living an imaginary scenario and pretending that everything is okay and pretending that he will be home soon. The reality is, obviously, the extreme opposite of that. I don't think that any of us are still in denial over his death ... but we pretend to be. It is easier that way. 

I Am Not Perfect

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I say things I shouldn't say. I eat things I shouldn't eat. I do things I shouldn't do. I enable people I shouldn't enable.

Sometimes I want to punch someone in the face. Sometimes I want to yell at the top of my lungs when things don't work out the way I want them to. Sometimes I want to stay in bed and pull the covers over my eyes.

I am not perfect.

I know I am not perfect and I know that that is okay. I know that there is no such thing as perfect. So why is it that I feel the need to BE perfect?

This is true in many facets of my life. I want to be the perfect teacher, employee, sister, friend, fiance, partner, daughter. I want to have perfect hair, make up, clothing, weight. I want to be the happiest, nicest, most optimistic person possible. I want to be liked by everyone. But striving for perfection only leads to defeat and deflation.

The majority of this pressure comes from myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect and I tie that to a scale (both literal and figurative) that has high expectations that can be hard to balance with real life. And it is exhausting. It is exhausting trying to stay within the two pound range that is your "live with it weight". It is exhausting trying to please everyone. It is exhausting to continue saying yes, yes, yes in hopes of high approval rating when you really want to say no. It is exhausting to be the people pleaser who only wants to please others even if, internally, you are sinking because you just want to do something for yourself.

I do not believe that this is something that I, alone, struggle with. I think a lot of people experience the pressure to be perfect every single day. It can be overwhelming. In fact, it IS overwhelming.

Maybe we just need to be a little nicer to ourselves and understand that perfect is impossible.  The adage of "you are perfect just the way you are" is one we all need to focus on a little more.

Hate is NEVER the Answer

Today is June 12, 2016. That means that we have been living in 2016 for a whopping 165 days. Already in those mere 165 days, we have witnessed 133 mass shootings.

In 2015, the United States saw 372 mass shootings. That is more than one mass shooting per day for an entire year ... with a few left over.

In 2014, the United States saw 280 mass shootings.

According to the FBI, a mass shooting occurs when four or more people are killed or injured at a single event, in the same general time and location, not including the shooter.

If we move beyond a mass shooting, and look at the number of gun violence incidents the results are chilling.

2014 saw 51,820 incidents
2015 saw 53,272 incidents

In 2014, 628 children were killed or injured.
In 2015, 698 children were killed or injured.

CHILDREN. We are talking about children under the age of 11. This is horrific.

In 2014, 12,593 people died.
In 2015, 13,429 people died.

In 2014, there were 1,605 accidental shootings.
In 2015, there were 1,965 accidental shootings.

What the hell is wrong with us?

This is a topic of intense conversation in our country. To make changes, or to leave it alone? Do we change our gun laws to make it harder for people to get their hands on guns? Or do we leave it alone because it is our second amendment right?

I'm sorry ... this is probably going to stir up some anger when I say this ... but using the second amendment as a reason to keep your guns is bull shit. This is the not the wild, wild west and we don't need to carry guns with us anymore. We do not have to protect our homes from soldiers invading them. We do not have a well regulated militia.

The second amendment says: A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

I don't know about you ... but when I read this I don't see any part of it that says, hey, don't forget to bring your gun to the movie theater with you. This amendment is about the concern of the national army posing a threat to the separate state's security. It is really about when people served in the militia, their right to bear arms would not be infringed.

There is ZERO reason to have any type of guns other than your hunting rifles which should be kept locked in a gun safe. There is ZERO reason to have any type of assault rifle. The argument there is that people like to shoot them for fun. Be that as it may, there are a lot of people who have access to them (legally or otherwise) who use them for a different purpose. A purpose that ends with 50 people dead in a Florida nightclub.

I am not saying that people can't go hunting. I come from a family of hunters. I love venison as much as the next person. And that is fine - hunt responsibly. But why, when you are not hunting, do you need to carry a gun with you? I am also not saying that people shouldn't own guns. I'm saying we need to do SOMETHING about this.

Something needs to change. We continue to have mass shootings and if the trend of shootings continues this year, we will experience more mass shootings than last year. This is a problem.

What is the solution?



*Statistics are taken from the Gun Violence Archive. 

This Is Your Sign

We humans live our lives by the grace of signs.

We wake up in the morning to an alarm blaring - a sign it is time to start our day.
We come running when we hear our personal ringtone - a sign that someone is calling.
We glance at our phone when the text tone goes off - a sign that you have a message.
We listen to bells ring at school - a sign it is time to switch classes, eat lunch or go to recess.
We keep our eyes open when driving to see yields, no right turns - signs that keep us safe in the car.
We wait for the red light to turn off on the stove - a sign that the oven is preheated.
We carefully label our businesses - signs that welcome customers in.
We take our temps if our heads feel hot - a sign that we are sick.
We check labels for warnings - signs of what not to do.
We even deliver signs to people when they make a dumb move by saying, "Here's your sign!"

But there is one type of sign that we obsessively look for, desperately searching the skies for a sign. This is a sign that we may or may not see. It is a sign that could be right in front of our face, though we are completely oblivious to it.

This particular type of sign is one that I, personally, yearn to see. It is a sign from Heaven.
A sign from my dad that says, "Don't worry, I am okay."
A sign that says, "I love you."
A sign that says, "I am proud of you."
A sign that says, "I'm here."
A sign that says, "You will be a beautiful bride."
A sign that says, "You will be a great mother."
A sign that says, "I miss you."

But what is it? What does a sign from Heaven, from our loved one really look like? Did you know that they actually make top 10 lists about this? I mean, who sat there and polled the world asking what type of sign they believe they saw and then compiled a top 10 list? But they did ... and here it is. (Though you should know that despite saying they are a top 10 ... they are really a top 9)

1. Dream Visitation
2. Strange Electrical Occurrences
3. Feeling their Presence
4. Smelling their Scent
5. Show up as an Insect, or an Animal
6. Moving Objects or Placing Objects in your Path
7. Communicate a Message
8. Increased Number of Coincidences
9. Visions

If you ask me, this list is pretty vague. So anytime the lights flicker I should assume it is my dad? My grandpa? Anytime a bug crosses my path or a deer shows up, I should assume it is him? I don't know if I buy it.

Saying this, the other day there was a majestic deer standing by the bike rack when I got to work in the morning. We stared, frozen, at each other for awhile - neither of us daring to move. Then a car drove past and broke our trance and the deer gracefully ran away. I admit that for a few moments I did wonder if it was my dad. Ultimately, I thought that it was a nice thought but couldn't say if it was a sign or just another deer hanging out at school, which they commonly do.

How do we know if it is a sign? When is a coincidence a coincidence and when is it a sign? I don't have the answers to this - at all. But I do know that I wish I would obviously, and conclusively receive a sign from above. A sign from my dad who I fiercely miss.

So, here I sit. Begging the dear Lord above for a sign. Hoping that when or if it does appear that it smacks me in the face so that I absolutely know it is what it is.

Time

31,536,000 seconds.

525,600 minutes.

8,760 hours.

365 days.

52 weeks.

8,409,600 breathes. 

10,512,000 blinks.

2,920 hours of sleep.

2,080 hours of work.

1,996 pounds of food eaten.

5,840,000 words spoken.

Phew, I am sure that most of you are thinking that this is a lot of numbers and they seem quite randomly strung together. There is a purpose to it, I promise.

All of the numbers listed above from 52 at the smallest to over 31 million at the largest are ways to measure a year. You can measure a year in many different ways - some that you may not have thought to use as a measurement tool.

There is a well known saying that says, "Life is Not Measured by the Number of Breathes We Take, But By the Moments that take Our Breathes Away."  Well ... that may be true, but apparently we can measure our life by the number of breathes we take. Over 8 million to be exact.

So, why am I sharing this with you? Well ... I have found that time is a really hard concept to understand (and no, I am not referring to teaching students how to find elapsed time - that is a blog post in and of itself). I keep trying to figure out how the measure of time can remain constant, yet feel so erratic.

When you are bored, an hour of time drags so slowly that it may as well go backwards.
When you are having fun, an hour of time flies at the speed of light.
When you are watching a loved one suffer, every second is a painfully long tick on the clock.
When you are missing someone desperately, the days travel at two speeds - simultaneously at a snail's crawl and at a cheetah's run.
When you find that you have massive amounts of stuff to do, the year moves faster than is possible while you watch your to-do list seemingly grow.
When you want to get married, then time appears to melt off the clock.
When you want to have a baby, the time you spend trying to get pregnant feels like eons longer than it actually is.

What is up with that? How can time drag by second by second, and then fly by day by day as you anxiously wish for more time. Is there ever enough time?

I obviously don't have the answers here, folks. But it is food for thought, I guess. How do we desperately hold onto the time that we have and truly make the most of it while honoring those that we miss?

We live. We breathe. We remember. We smile. We laugh. We hope. 

A Weighty Issue

I have always wondered why so much of our standard of beauty is measured by the numbers on a digital scale. And why so many of us drag that scale around with us, on its heavy chain shackled to our ankles. (Don't get me wrong ... I am 100% guilty of this.)

Why is that we feel the urge to step on the scale to torture ourselves every single day? You wake up in the morning and prior to showering you have to face your demonic scale. You feel the pull from the tip of your toes to the split ends on each individual hair. Will it be nice? Will it be mean? You find yourself muttering a quick prayer to whatever Patron Saint of Weight that you can think of that the numbers stay within the range that you call "The I Can Live With It" numbers. You take a deep breath and you cautiously step on. You release your breathe of air and dare to glance down at the numbers...

Now what? Now the numbers you see will dictate how you feel for the rest of the your day. If they are within the ICLWI range you continue your day as normal. If it is lower? You float through the day feeling pretty damn proud of yourself. If it is higher? You might as well climb back in bed because you are going to feel awkward and uncomfortable all day long.

But why?! Who decided there was a number on a scale that determined beauty? And not just on a scale - clothing sizes,  shoe sizes and don't even get me started on jeans.

The standard of beauty has changed so much with the passing of years, and with the shift from true to form sizes to vanity sizing.

If we rewind the metaphorical clock all the way to the 1400s and 1500s you'll notice that plump was the unparalleled sign of beauty. Have a few extra rolls and thunder thighs? Then watch out because you are at the top of the courting food chain.

The Victorian era was exactly the opposite. The thinner the better. Here is where the pain of being beautiful came into play. Corsets that could shrink your wait to a mere 12 inches. 12 inches?! You couldn't breathe and it was the norm to break a few ribs. But wait ... you want to be extra thin, but make sure you add a few bustles to your dress so that your rear looks big. Because a thin waist and a large rear was all the rage.

Then fast forward to the 1900s, where we find women who were tall and slender but with large T & A. Though to achieve this look women and girls had to wear incredibly uncomfortable corsets.

In the 1920s we shift to the flapper era where the ideal woman had shorter (boy-ish) haircuts, slender bodies with flat chests and no curves. In fact, large breasts were frowned upon during this time! The goal was to be thin and androgynous in this era.

The World War era of the 1930s - 1940s, women's curves were emphasized by their clothing and the beauty standards of the celebrities were easier to attain than ever before (or ever again). The average American woman had a BMI of 23.6, whereas celebrities had a BMI of 20.3.

The 1950s is probably my favorite era because it emphasized fuller figures! The hour glass shape was in. We were back to women having curves and being proud of their bodies. Of course it became a harder to attain the beauty style of the celebrity world.

The 1960s saw a throw-back to the 1920s when thinner than thin figures were admired and the androgynous look was in.  If you had curves, you were not welcome here until the latter part of the 60s when the hippie movement came out in full force.

Now in 2016, we are continuing the thin is in rage. People strive to be thinner than ever, sometimes to the point of making themselves sick. They buy into diet fads and miracle pills to try to achieve the impossible beauty standards that society has given to us. We watch moves and feel poorly about our bodies because our thighs are bigger than the actress. But you know what? That is a load of crap. If we worked out multiple times every day and had a personal chef, we would look like that too.

So what happened? It seems to me that we flip-flop depending on the decade that we are in. Thinner than thin to fully figured and curvy. If only our culture could find a combination of both and celebrate the beauty of all!

Eat! Enjoy life! Indulge in that extra piece of chocolate! Have fun with your friends! Embrace your beauty!


Sources:
http://www.rehabs.com/explore/womens-body-image-and-bmi/
http://lookdamngood.com/10-eras-of-beauty-how-our-perception-of-beauty-has-changed-over-time/6/

A Breathe of the Wind

My dad always found himself most at peace in nature. I always thought I was a little disconnected from him in that way. I was never one to sit in a tree stand for hours at the ass crack of dawn holding my breathe for a white tail deer to grace me with its presence. I was never one for pumping my own water and using an outhouse lest a bear get me or the hordes of spiders touched me. I was never one to go to the Boundary Waters Canoe Base in order to canoe for hours at a time, un-showered after using the facilities which just so happened to be a hole in the ground. Oh and that whole carry your  own shit (literally) with you for the rest of the trip? Hell to the no. Then as a teenager I pretended that I enjoyed nature and agreed to hike the mountains of Crested Butte only to whine the entire time. I'm hot. I'm tired. I can't breathe. Are we there yet? I'm sure it annoyed him endlessly. All of this was offered to me along with time with my dad, and yet I preferred to find solace in books and American Girl Dolls.

Realistically it wasn't until college that I really fell in love with nature and hiking. I began to travel and experience the world beyond my own backyard. I began to soak up and find the beauty in the world. I hiked, I walked and I climbed mountains. I spent three summers in Colorado where I felt wonderfully at home and it quickly became my "happy place". The place I imagine myself whenever I feel down or blue.

Now I can find peace in walking trails with the wind swirling around me. I can imagine myself as Pocahontas with all the colors of the wind filling my lungs and opening my eyes to the beauty around me.

It is here that I feel my dad. It won't be at a grave site or looking at his picture - it will be in nature. I can imagine him walking beside me in this solitude as he says, "Can you hear it?" Following which he'll point out and name an obscure animal. It is here that we can share this peace even if I took it for granted so long ago.

The moral of this story? Don't wait for tomorrow for what you hope to accomplish. Spend time with those around you. Learn to love their hobbies, or at least give it a try. Become one with nature and find your happy place. 

Fab As I Am

I am a teacher of a lovely group of fourth graders and every year I look at them and wonder how I can support them in being body positive and having a high self-esteem. Every year I find myself coming up short.

How can we counteract what the media and Hollywood have worked so tirelessly to create as our norm? How can we counteract what our young people believe when we struggle on the daily with our own body image and self-esteem? How can we counteract all of the photoshopped photos and impossible beauty standards that are thrown in their faces Every.Single.Day.?

We are living in a world where young people (both boys and girls) make comments like, "Oh, she's the fat singer!" when someone mentions the song All About That Bass. Or they make fun of each other for not wearing designer clothes and shoes. They make fun of girls for having small chests and of boys for having small muscles. They make fun of girls for not having a thigh gap and of boys for not being tall enough.

Why? 

Because we have bought into the impossible expectations that are set in front of us and we accept them blindly. We don't question whether it is right or wrong ... we just say okay and follow it up with some fad diet, weight lifting, or worse - we move in the terrifying direction of eating disorders.

What we don't do (but should!) is recognize our own beautiful, fabulous selves. We should recognize that our worth is not tied to our outward beauty but to who we are as people - how beautiful we are on the inside. We should recognize that we need to plant seeds of kindness and lift others up rather than tear them down. We should recognize that our outward beauty IS beautiful. We should recognize the power of our brain and the strength in our soul. We should recognize that WE ARE ENOUGH. We are beautiful, incredible, fabulous people regardless of what the media believes is "beautiful". You is kind. You is smart. You is important. You is enough.

An amazing friend of my family recently started a movement on Facebook that is meant to empower all people to realize just how important they are. We need to act as positive role models for each other. So I encourage you to join the revolution and make a post on Facebook, Twitter or your own blogs about just how fabulous you are! Use the hashtag #fabasiam (Fab As I Am) on your posts so that we can all see just how fabulous you are and bask in your greatness with you. When fabulous calls makes sure you pick up the phone.

Fab As I Am - Day 1 Post

I too love my eyes. They are the part of physical me that is most complicated. They like to change color depending on the day (light blue, vibrant blue, greenish) which I think is pretty cool. They are also pretty vibrant - someone once told me they were "electric". They also are the source of my tears which tend to flow easily which I believe makes me strong not weak. ‪#‎fabasiam‬

Say Something

The thing about grief is that it only takes time to move beyond it. When someone is grieving it does not mean they need advice on how not to grieve or even on how to grieve appropriately. When someone is grieving it does not mean that they are in a negative mindset or are in danger of hurting themselves. When someone is grieving it doesn't mean they are looking for someone who "knows how it feels". Everyone experiences grief in their own way. Regardless of how similar your experience was ... it is physically impossible to experience grief in the same way.

This got me thinking about what is an apporpriate thing to say to someone who is grieving and what are things that should be avoided. Obviously, this isn't an all inclusive list and isn't true for every single person ... but I think it is a start. When people respond to someone who is grieving with something that is on the "to be avoided" list, it doesn't make them a bad person. I think as humans we respond in the only way we know how ... and sometimes that makes the griever feel uncomfortable - even though that is not our intention. So perhaps this list will provide some food for thought?


Things You Should Say To Somenoe Who Is Grieving

• I am so sorry for your loss.
• Your dad/mom/sister/brother/child/friend was an amazing person.
• They will be missed. 
• Is there anything I can do to help? 
• Here, have a piece of chocolate. 
• Let's go have a glass of (wine/beer/liquor) when you are ready.
• I'm so sorry you are suffering. 
• What are things I can do for you at work while you are gone? 
• What errands can I run for you?
• Can I grocery shop for you?
• Can I give you a hug? 

Things You Should NOT Say To Someone Who Is Grieving

• How are you? 
• I know excatly how you feel.
• At least ... (you got to say goodbye, had a few weeks, s/he isn't suffering...)
• They are in a better place now.
• God must have needed them for something. 
• S/he is with the angels/God/Jesus now.
• Time will heal this wound.
• You need to be more positive about this. 
• At least they died doing something they loved.
• It was his/her time to go.
• You need to be strong for ______.
• God will never give you more than you can handle. 

We have all been the person that said or did something on the "do not say" list. That doesn't make us bad people - in fact I know that I have done it in the past. Sometimes it is impossible to know what to say unless you have gone through a situtation that requires grief. Even if you HAVE gone through a situation that causes you to grieve ... you still might not know what to say. In the case that you truly have no idea what to say ... the best thing is to be silent and just listen. Give the person a hug and listen if they want to talk. If they don't want to talk ... then just be there. Stand next to them, hold their hand, give them a hug. 

And know, that even if you say something that causes the grieving person to shudder and feel bad ... it isn't your fault. Everybody does it, but here is another great time to think before you speak and treat others how you would want to be treated. 

Finally, loss is loss but it is 100% impossible for you to "know how someone feels" because every relationship is unique. 

The Grass is Always Greener ... Part 2?

You know it is true what they say ,.. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence... Road...river... State border ... Continent ... Head (I rock the white girl Afro and will never be the I woke up like this model, just sayin').

We, as humans, have an innate need to have what others have. To envy them, for their belongings, home, job, appearance. Why is that? Is it so hard to be happy with what we have?

I write this as I am finishing a strict two day liquid cleanse as part of a 30 day overhaul of my nutritional habits. This two day cleanse had me taking in less than 400 calories a day. I sit hear listening to my stomach rumble for the second time of the day, after putting down a book that outlines in great detail the numerous decadent food options in Paris. Let me just tell you that, yes, it is absolutely possible and appropriate to have a love affair with a pastry as this particular book claims. But that is a story for another day.

As I sit here feeling my body rid itself of toxins and excess fat (okay, I wish I could feel it ...), I found myself thinking:

Damn, my thighs are huge. They are like two elephants wrestling for control of the nonexistent thigh gap.

When did my arms get so flabby? I work out at hours of the morning that shouldn't exist. They should be offering up tickets to the gun show by now.

Why do my calves look like they swallowed a grapefruit? When did they get that big and how do I make it stop? Boot season is upon us and I need to be able to zip them up!

I find myself looking at the crazy thin models and other role models of "beauty" and wishing that I could look like them. Shorter. Skinnier. Perfect hair. Perfect white teeth. Amazing wardrobe.

And then I scold myself because I know that my body is MINE. It doesn't belong to anybody else and nobody else can ridicule it without my direct consent. In fact, there are a lot of people in this world who would love to be my "size" even as I envy others. They want my unruly, curly hair. They would love to be my pant size. And they would even love to be as tall as I am (careful with that one ladies, it's hard to wear heels).

I can't help but ask myself: when do we, as a human race, stop paying attention to the neighbor's yard and start to notice just how green ours is?

Tech - no or yes?

Technology can be a wonderful thing. It can be used to assist humans in every facet of their life. People can buy groceries, clothes, shoes, gifts, TVs, games, books, and movies without leaving the comfort of their own home. We can search for the person of our dreams and even embark on an online date while sitting on the couch in grungy clothes and nobody will ever know that you skipped a shower that morning. We can get a degree, go on virtual field trips, talk to friends, book a vacation, find recipes and never open our mouths. We can stream movies and music without having to go to the store to buy the record or rent the movie. All of this is literally at the tips of our fingers.

This all sounds wonderful, doesn't it? I mean, who seriously doesn't want their groceries delivered to their doorstep? I am guilty of doing many of the activities I listed above and find myself at a loss when the wifi is down. I am a HUGE reader ... but if the wifi is down I can't stream music while I read my real book rather than the computer version of a book. It is so much a part of our lives that many of us do not even know how to function when the internet is down.

Technology is something that makes our lives easier ... but if we take it away can we still function as human beings?

In the world of technology ... you can reinvent yourself online and allow people to get to know the "new" you. You can photoshop your photos, only share your best attributes, and well, lie. Nobody will know unless you decide to meet in real life.

In the world of technology .... students struggle to write complete sentences and rather write using "text speak" -u, r, k, TBT, TTYL, *$, BBIAF, HOYEW. (If the rest of you are wondering what those mean ... don't worry, I had to look it up too...)

In the world of technology ... you can say whatever you want via text or e-mail. The shyest person suddenly becomes the bravest because you don't have to worry about seeing the other person's reactions or feel bad when they start to cry. Because their tears are hidden behind their phone. You don't see the pride, joy, sadness, shame or hurt that comes from your words.

In the world of technology ... you text rather than talk on the phone. In fact, you prefer to text and feel wholly uncomfortable when you are asked to focus solely on a phone conversation and not multi-task.

In the world of technology ... you see tables of people going out to dinner where every single person is holding some form of technology. Even the two year old at the table knows how to work an iPad and can even be seen teaching their parents what to do.

In the world of technology ... you can order drinks, appetizers and even call your server back to your table using a tablet ... which can be found at every single table in the place.

In the world of technology ... you don't dare go somewhere alone without your headphones. You walk through the mall with your head down and eyes blazing holes into your phone screen. You walk with ear buds in as you take the dog out, or when you hike alone on a trail. God forbid you listen to the birds singing.

In the world of technology ... you stay up late on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Instagram, SnapChat checking up on the latest gossip and pics. So much so that the blue light our device emits causes you to sleep poorly ... which in turn causes you to grab the technology which in turn causes you .... you get it.

In the world of technology .... you have millions of books at your finger tips. Many kids prefer to read books on their Kindle, Nook, or iPad rather than experience the feeling of turning the pages by hand.

So where is the happy medium? Should there be tech free hours in homes? Schools? Libraries? At what point does technology do us more harm than good? 

Friend Zoned

Recently, I met someone for dinner that I had encountered in the online dating realm. We talked online, texted a lot and finally decided to meet. Our schedules didn't coincide very well and we live almost 2 hours from each other. We finally found a date to meet, made a plan and got together. Everything was great, we talked a lot and there weren't any awkward pauses but I couldn't get the thought out of my head that he would be a great friend. That's it. A friend.

Now, this doesn't seem like the end of the world. But I suppose, if you are online dating and looking for your forever partner ... deciding that you should just be friends might be a bit ... well ... harsh. When you are looking for the one to love and settle down with and start a family with, being "just" friends kind ruins future plans.


You have to decide how to let the other person down gently.
Do you pretend for awhile? No, because then you are leading them on.
Do you just blurt it out? No, because then you are insensitive.
So you come up with a speech to let them down easy. And then you feel like the biggest prick in the world because he laments to you that he lives in the Friend Zone.

To most women, it doesn't seem like such a bad deal to have guys who are our friends. Especially if those guys are willing to listen to you, hug you when you are sad, and just generally be there for you (bonus if they are funny and make you laugh) so that you can do the same for them without any expectations or strings attached.  But, it seems that to guys ... this is the worst place to be! It is like the Twilight Zone of relationships and nobody wants to be there. I mean, I get it. If I were placed in the Friend Zone by someone I wanted to be in a relationship with, I would be devastated. But ... you never hear about girls being put in the Friend Zone. It is this elusive place where girls aren't allowed.

Men are put in the Friend Zone and women are just told that "he isn't worthy of you if he doesn't want to date you". Why the double standards?

The Friend Zone isn't a new concept, it is represented in many movies and books throughout time. In the Harry Potter series Severus Snape is the epitome of the example of "friend zoned" as he is placed there early on by Lily Potter and never got out. Gale is Friend Zoned by Katniss in the Hunger Games. George is Friend Zoned by Meredith in favor of McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy. Even Forrest Gump is Friend Zoned by Jenny.

So how do we change the Friend Zone to being a positive rather than negative location? Can it be done? Is it okay for males and females to be friends? 

Best Laid Plans

Our best laid plans are often ... mislaid.

Most people grow up planning their future. They plan out what GPA they will have in high school ... what college they will attend ... when they will get married ... when and how many children they will have ... where they will live and so much more.

But something tends to happen along the way that makes our straight laced plans go haywire. I saw this picture on Facebook (again) the other day and it really resonated with me.

Looking back at my life, I think of all of the plans that I had envisioned for my future. They, of course, changed as I got older but I always intended that I would meet the man I would marry in college. I would graduate and then we would be engaged and married and having our first child by 26 - 27 at the latest. We would be a happy little family and everything would be perfect.

Of course ... that did not happen and nowhere near close to it. So my straight arrow of a plan turned into a massive jumble of lines with no distinct ending. Here I am at almost 29 and none of those plans I had for my life have come to light.

Is that a problem? For awhile, I would've said yes. But I think that the true answer is no. Would I have loved for that life to be true? The perfect plans and the perfect family and perfect life? Well, yes, absolutely I would say that that would be quite amazing.

But, boring. I think when life follows the straight path we intend for it ... our life doesn't have much excitement. We all could do with less heartbreak, less sadness and do with more joy and happiness. We may find it hard to contain our despair that life is not going how we planned and we may find it hard to accept that the path is not straight and narrow.

Perhaps we should take a page from Robert Frost and take the road less traveled. Embrace the craziness of life, enjoy the twists and turns along the road and learn to like the chaos. 

He's a Stand Up Guy

I recently had a blind date set up to meet with a boy (yes, I'm going to call him a boy) that I was conversing with sporadically for the past month on one of those oh-so-lovely online dating sites. This particular guy was out of state for work for the duration of our conversations and so our conversations were not lengthy or consistent in nature. I didn't know much about him but when he asked if I wanted to meet, I jumped at the chance.

Okay. Okay. I'll tell the truth. I didn't so much jump at the chance ... it was more like dipping the tiniest portion of skin into the water to make sure it was at least tepid before jumping in. But I did touch the proverbial toe to the water and agreed to meet him for a drink at a local dive bar.

There were a few days between when the plan was made and the actual meeting so we exchanged numbers. We participated in some "flexting" (flirty texting for those of you who had to look it up like me) and shared last names. With the sharing of last names comes Facebook stalking (don't look so shocked, we all do it!).  It all pointed to being a good blind date especially after vetting the guy with a mutual-ish friend.

Then the day of the blind date arrived. I held strong throughout the morning but come afternoon I started to participate in the Getting Ready for a Blind Date ritual. You know ... showering, picking out an outfit, texting your friends to say you don't want to go, picking out a new outfit, convincing yourself you aren't going to vomit, picking out another new outfit, and, finally leaving. I already went into detail about the drive to the date in a previous post, so I won't go there.

Let's fast forward a bit ...

You arrive and grab a seat at the bar a few minutes prior to meeting time so you aren't playing the deer in headlights when you walk in. You order a drink and you start to wait, looking calm and collect and trying not to stare a hole in the center of your phone.

And you wait. The clock now says 5 minutes past when you are supposed to meet. You decide he must just be running late and you text your friend to confirm. They agree and tell you to wait a little longer, I'm sure he'll be there any second they say.

And you wait. Now it is 10 minutes past when you are supposed to wait. You nervously look around the bar to see if anybody else is sitting alone. You pray that the creepy guy across the bar is not the one waiting for you, but soon someone joins him. You make small talk with the buzzed lady next to you as you pretend you know anything about the Women's World Cup.

And you wait. After waiting for 20 minutes you decide to leave. After 20 minutes, your blind date is no longer late, they are just not coming. You have officially been stood up at the bar.

There could be a billion reasons why someone doesn't show up for a date. They get lost, get into an accident, come in and turn around when they see you. Or in my particular case, they take a nap and over sleep.

Turns out the boy (see why I say boy???) you were going to meet wasn't the kind of stand up guy you wanted him to be.

My final thoughts for the day - never underestimate the importance of an alarm clock!

Body Positve Or Not?

I have been thinking a lot about body image lately and how it has become such a buzz word and such a movement in the past year. Not a day goes by that I don't see #bodypositive hashtags populating the internet. And don't get me wrong, I am not saying that this is a bad thing. We should be promoting a body positive movement where we see beauty in every person ... however, when did it become the thing to do? What I mean by that is ... when did our body image problems become so detrimental that we need a body positive movement to make us think higher of ourselves?

Body image is something that I have struggled with my entire life. As the chubby child who didn't wear name brand clothes (I LOVED my home made jumpers thank you very much), and whose hair channeled Hermione Granger long before her inception I was often made fun of. Once I added on braces, loving school and glasses? Forget about it. I was every middle school bully's dream.

I grew up envying the "popular" kids around me who were thin, pretty and who could step out of the shower with hair straight out of a Pantene shampoo ad. But why? I was a happy child. I had friends and I got along with my family. So why did I envy the beauty of others rather than focusing on my own, albeit goofy, beautiful self?

The problem of course, or so I believe, stems from the media. When we look at movies, magazines, books, commercials and TV shows it has always been rare to see a "normal" bodied human being represented. Now, I put "normal" in quotation marks because what is normal? When I say normal, I mean that we are not representing a variety of people. Even when the goofy "duff" of a best friend is represented ... the purpose of the movie becomes to make her the belle of the ball. Take off her glasses and run a comb through her hair and voila! She is Cinderella in the flesh. But why can't the goofy, awkward, not put together best friend fall in love with the leading man just as she is? Why is it some major transformation that finally wins him over? Can't he love her for her brains and personality first and looks second?

When this is what we encounter as stimulus overload day after day after day how can we be expected to live a body positive life? 

Karma

Today marks the three month milestone since the break up of my ex and I. I don't think about him on a daily basis anymore though sometimes he does scratch his way into my consciousness. I have spent more time in the past three months thinking about Karma and why good things happen to bad people and on the flip side why bad things happen to good people?

I realize that nobody is all good nor are they all bad. I'm sure even the fairest of them all has a guilty obsession or a bad thought here or there. It's only natural. But if we really look at the concept of Karma ...

Do people really get what's coming to them? Does what goes around really come around?

The whole idea surrounding karma is that if you live a good life, then your life will be filled with good things. But if you live a life full of bad deeds, then you will have bad things happen to you. In Hinduism and Buddhism, karma is the sum of deeds in this and all previous forms of existence which will decide your fate in future existence's.

So you start to think about karma and you start to look back at the choices you have made in your life. You decide that you ultimately have lived a good life and have ultimately made good choices. You put others first and helped where you could. You volunteered your time and donated money to charity. You compare that to what you really want in your life and you ask yourself, "What the **** did I do in a past life to deserve this?"

Is it really that simple?

Can we chalk all of our missed encounters or the experiences we have in life to fate or destiny?

If that is true then that means that the widowed mother of four whose home went up in flames did something truly awful in her past life. That the homeless man who won the lottery lived a life of quiet servitude in his past life. That the child who grew up in a home of abuse deserved it from a previous life of bad choices?

Is that karma or just luck? A lot of people have a lot of feelings about the validity of karma. I can't exactly say where I stand.

So, what is it?
Is Karma truth?
Does everything we do in this life have a say in our next life?
If we ruin our run as the Prince, do we return as a pauper?
Or is it garbage? Karma isn't real and it is just the luck of the draw?

I guess we'd better make good choices and BE KIND just in case ..

Let's Make a Deal .... Or Not

The whole idea of dating is terrifying. It becomes even more terrifying when you have a blind date with someone you met online. But online or not the whole process of dating someone can be exhilarating, terrifying, exciting, disappointing and all the other -ings you can imagine. But the ultimate goal of dating someone is to find someone to marry, yes?

I mean not if you are going out with Wants-Only-Casual-Dating-Guy or Check-Out-My-Abs-Guy then I guess you just want casual dating, whatever that means. But, for most of us that are playing the dating game ... we are ultimately looking for someone to spend the rest of our lives with. We are desperately looking for our future husband.

(Or wife! sorry if there are any male readers out there! By the way ... are you single?)

That's a huge commitment. Like one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make commitments. (I guess that's why guys are so terrified of commitment.)

When in the dating game, most people have a pre-determined set of "deal-breakers" that they consult before giving the nod of approval to some random dude. I mean he could end up as your future husband so you'd better be okay with all of his habits before you say yes to the dress.

The whole concept of deal breakers is really interesting. They are a set of things that we absolutely-positively-without-a-doubt cannot live with things that we are looking for in a partner. We try not to have a terrible long list of deal breakers because let's face it, nobody is perfect. But there are always things that we cannot live without.

For me, my deal breakers consist of:
(1) not wanting kids - this is not a question for me. I will be mother some day come hell or high water I will make that happen. If you don't want kids or there is even a chance of you not wanting kids, then you need not apply.
(2) political beliefs - this never used to be a deal-breaker for me...but time's have changed and I can't spend the rest of my life with someone who supports a candidate who is working against everything I believe to be right
(3) drugs - of any kind ... this includes illegal drugs as well as nicotine addictions

Of course I have some hopes for a future partner (taller than me please!) but those are my only 3 deal breakers. The whole concept becomes trickier as you get older and the dating pool gets exceptionally smaller.

You join the online dating pool and you look and look and look but don't see much to your liking. Then finally you find someone you think you would like to meet and a big flashing light pops up when you find out they don't want kids. Do you throw out your deal breaker?

You see people finding love all around you. Engagements, births, new relationships. Hell, even the volcano in a Pixar short finds love against all odds after sinking into the ocean and resurfacing with a lovely she-volcano by its side. Do you throw out your deal breaker?

You think that maybe it would be okay to have someone who supports an opposite political belief than you because there is an overwhelming amount of them ... maybe it isn't a big deal. You just don't talk about politics, right? Do you throw out your deal breaker?

But that's the thing ... they are a deal breaker for a reason. There might be a saying about throwing all caution to the wind ... but maybe in this case you keep the caution tape up and proceed slowly with your life jacket on as you wade through the pool or opportunity.

Universal Studios Tips and Tricks

Our trip to Universal was a whirlwind ... but I did learn a few things during the 2 1/2 days we spent there. So ... here are my tips and tricks to make your trip as fun as it can be!

• Buy your tickets online. They are cheaper online than they are at the gate. Look around for discounts - different groups may offer corporate discounts or loyalty programs.
• Bring water bottles and snacks. Universal is great in the way that it allows you to bring in your own water bottles, granola bars, fruit or vegetables. They will search your bags but they allowed us to bring in cliff bars and water bottles for lunch. 
• Download the Universal Wait Time app if you have a a smart phone. This saved us and allowed us to do everything we wanted to do at the best time. 
• Enjoy the wait ... Universal does a really great job with entertaining guests while waiting in the lines. The lines cycle through sets where you can feel that you are part of the action and brings the movies to life.
• If you are going in the summer ... dress cool! It gets pretty darn warm and humid. A lot of the line are covered ... but not all. Bring sun glasses, hats, water and wear shorts. 
• There are Starbucks on property and they will accept a Starbucks gift card if you have them. It is a great place to get a cold drink on a hot afternoon.

Then there are the rides ... there were several rides that we didn't have strong feelings about riding, but it turns out they were some of the best rides there!

• Despicable Me Minion Mayhem - I really wanted to ride this one but the lines were always huge. My tip is to go to this ride right at park opening. The wait time will be shortest at this point. It is a really fun ride and the best I can compare it to is the game Minion Rush. It is a really fun 3D ride where you feel as if you are actually on a roller coaster! It was a really fun ride, but over quickly. If you appreciate minion humor, then it is a must see.
  

• Poseidon's Fury - This isn't a ride so much as an interactive show. You take a tour of Poseidon's ancient temple led by a "local archeologist" who does a STELLAR job. We were really impressed with the actor who led our tour but figure he must be exhausted by the end of the day! The line can be long on this way but it is also a great option if it is raining outside. I give this ride two thumbs up.
  
• The Amazing Adventure of Spider-Man - This ride was spectacular. I have seen the Spiderman movies but have never had strong feelings either way about riding the superhero rides. But we decided to go for it on this one because it wasn't a loop-de-loop roller coaster but it was AH-MAZING. This is definitely a ride not to be missed. If we had another day we probably would have ridden this one again!

• Harry Potter Escape from Gringotts  - This ride was awesome and again the wait time isn't bad if you go right away in the morning. Universal creates the world of Gringotts for you to explore as you wait in line.
  
• Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey - This ride is incredible but may leave you feeling a little nauseous. It is more on the side of a roller coaster than a basic ride but it is well worth the feeling! You will feel like you are flying over Hogwarts castle as you follow Harry and Ron on their broomsticks.
  
• Dr. Seuss Land Caro-Seuss-el - Yes, it is a carousel that you might attribute to a children's ride ... but who doesn't love to go round and round on one of Dr. Seuss' magical creations? To top it off ... this ride books it. It isn't the typical slow moving carousel, you better buckle up, hold on and enjoy the ride! 

All in all, enjoy your trip to Universal!