The Grass is Always Greener ... Part 2?

You know it is true what they say ,.. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence... Road...river... State border ... Continent ... Head (I rock the white girl Afro and will never be the I woke up like this model, just sayin').

We, as humans, have an innate need to have what others have. To envy them, for their belongings, home, job, appearance. Why is that? Is it so hard to be happy with what we have?

I write this as I am finishing a strict two day liquid cleanse as part of a 30 day overhaul of my nutritional habits. This two day cleanse had me taking in less than 400 calories a day. I sit hear listening to my stomach rumble for the second time of the day, after putting down a book that outlines in great detail the numerous decadent food options in Paris. Let me just tell you that, yes, it is absolutely possible and appropriate to have a love affair with a pastry as this particular book claims. But that is a story for another day.

As I sit here feeling my body rid itself of toxins and excess fat (okay, I wish I could feel it ...), I found myself thinking:

Damn, my thighs are huge. They are like two elephants wrestling for control of the nonexistent thigh gap.

When did my arms get so flabby? I work out at hours of the morning that shouldn't exist. They should be offering up tickets to the gun show by now.

Why do my calves look like they swallowed a grapefruit? When did they get that big and how do I make it stop? Boot season is upon us and I need to be able to zip them up!

I find myself looking at the crazy thin models and other role models of "beauty" and wishing that I could look like them. Shorter. Skinnier. Perfect hair. Perfect white teeth. Amazing wardrobe.

And then I scold myself because I know that my body is MINE. It doesn't belong to anybody else and nobody else can ridicule it without my direct consent. In fact, there are a lot of people in this world who would love to be my "size" even as I envy others. They want my unruly, curly hair. They would love to be my pant size. And they would even love to be as tall as I am (careful with that one ladies, it's hard to wear heels).

I can't help but ask myself: when do we, as a human race, stop paying attention to the neighbor's yard and start to notice just how green ours is?

Tech - no or yes?

Technology can be a wonderful thing. It can be used to assist humans in every facet of their life. People can buy groceries, clothes, shoes, gifts, TVs, games, books, and movies without leaving the comfort of their own home. We can search for the person of our dreams and even embark on an online date while sitting on the couch in grungy clothes and nobody will ever know that you skipped a shower that morning. We can get a degree, go on virtual field trips, talk to friends, book a vacation, find recipes and never open our mouths. We can stream movies and music without having to go to the store to buy the record or rent the movie. All of this is literally at the tips of our fingers.

This all sounds wonderful, doesn't it? I mean, who seriously doesn't want their groceries delivered to their doorstep? I am guilty of doing many of the activities I listed above and find myself at a loss when the wifi is down. I am a HUGE reader ... but if the wifi is down I can't stream music while I read my real book rather than the computer version of a book. It is so much a part of our lives that many of us do not even know how to function when the internet is down.

Technology is something that makes our lives easier ... but if we take it away can we still function as human beings?

In the world of technology ... you can reinvent yourself online and allow people to get to know the "new" you. You can photoshop your photos, only share your best attributes, and well, lie. Nobody will know unless you decide to meet in real life.

In the world of technology .... students struggle to write complete sentences and rather write using "text speak" -u, r, k, TBT, TTYL, *$, BBIAF, HOYEW. (If the rest of you are wondering what those mean ... don't worry, I had to look it up too...)

In the world of technology ... you can say whatever you want via text or e-mail. The shyest person suddenly becomes the bravest because you don't have to worry about seeing the other person's reactions or feel bad when they start to cry. Because their tears are hidden behind their phone. You don't see the pride, joy, sadness, shame or hurt that comes from your words.

In the world of technology ... you text rather than talk on the phone. In fact, you prefer to text and feel wholly uncomfortable when you are asked to focus solely on a phone conversation and not multi-task.

In the world of technology ... you see tables of people going out to dinner where every single person is holding some form of technology. Even the two year old at the table knows how to work an iPad and can even be seen teaching their parents what to do.

In the world of technology ... you can order drinks, appetizers and even call your server back to your table using a tablet ... which can be found at every single table in the place.

In the world of technology ... you don't dare go somewhere alone without your headphones. You walk through the mall with your head down and eyes blazing holes into your phone screen. You walk with ear buds in as you take the dog out, or when you hike alone on a trail. God forbid you listen to the birds singing.

In the world of technology ... you stay up late on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Instagram, SnapChat checking up on the latest gossip and pics. So much so that the blue light our device emits causes you to sleep poorly ... which in turn causes you to grab the technology which in turn causes you .... you get it.

In the world of technology .... you have millions of books at your finger tips. Many kids prefer to read books on their Kindle, Nook, or iPad rather than experience the feeling of turning the pages by hand.

So where is the happy medium? Should there be tech free hours in homes? Schools? Libraries? At what point does technology do us more harm than good? 

The Most Beautiful....

...church I have ever been in, is a chapel in Paris called Sainte-Chapelle. This is a medieval gothic chapel located in the heart of Paris on the ille de la Cite.

Sainte-Chapelle was built as a royal palace and consecrated in 1248. It was commissioned by King Louis IV to house the Passion Relics of Christ - including part of the Crown of Thrones. Sainte-Chapelle has a lower and an upper chapel.

You enter through the lower chapel and you immediately marvel at the beauty of the architecture. It surrounds you in a cocoon of beauty as you realize that you are standing in the home of the Passion Relics. Now, of course, the Relics are not on constant display - you would have to visit Sainte-Chapelle during Holy Week to see them.

After taking in the serenity of the lower chapel, you climb a spiral stone staircase to the upper chapel... and immediately feel your breathe catch in your chest. The beauty of the upper chapel cannot adequately be described with mere words. The upper chapel is most famous for its incredible stained glass windows. The entire chapel is surrounded by floor to ceiling stained glass arches that tell the story of various books of the bible. Fifteen huge windows, dating back to the 13th century, circle the chapel culminating in a massive rose window depicting the book of Revelations.

There isn't much I can say to explain the beauty of this chapel to you ... so I will let the pictures do their best to speak for me. (The pictures, of course, do not even begin to do this justice.)

The rose window tells the story of Revelations. 

This is from the window that tells the Passion Story. You can see Jesus with the crown of thrones in this small portion of the window. 

I always thought that my church was a beautiful building with lovely stained glass. But after having spent time taking in the gorgeousness of Sainte-Chapelle in Paris ... it all seems too, well, new and perfect. And nowhere near as beautiful. If you ever have the chance to visit Paris be sure to stop into Sainte-Chapelle. You will not regret it. 

Friend Zoned

Recently, I met someone for dinner that I had encountered in the online dating realm. We talked online, texted a lot and finally decided to meet. Our schedules didn't coincide very well and we live almost 2 hours from each other. We finally found a date to meet, made a plan and got together. Everything was great, we talked a lot and there weren't any awkward pauses but I couldn't get the thought out of my head that he would be a great friend. That's it. A friend.

Now, this doesn't seem like the end of the world. But I suppose, if you are online dating and looking for your forever partner ... deciding that you should just be friends might be a bit ... well ... harsh. When you are looking for the one to love and settle down with and start a family with, being "just" friends kind ruins future plans.


You have to decide how to let the other person down gently.
Do you pretend for awhile? No, because then you are leading them on.
Do you just blurt it out? No, because then you are insensitive.
So you come up with a speech to let them down easy. And then you feel like the biggest prick in the world because he laments to you that he lives in the Friend Zone.

To most women, it doesn't seem like such a bad deal to have guys who are our friends. Especially if those guys are willing to listen to you, hug you when you are sad, and just generally be there for you (bonus if they are funny and make you laugh) so that you can do the same for them without any expectations or strings attached.  But, it seems that to guys ... this is the worst place to be! It is like the Twilight Zone of relationships and nobody wants to be there. I mean, I get it. If I were placed in the Friend Zone by someone I wanted to be in a relationship with, I would be devastated. But ... you never hear about girls being put in the Friend Zone. It is this elusive place where girls aren't allowed.

Men are put in the Friend Zone and women are just told that "he isn't worthy of you if he doesn't want to date you". Why the double standards?

The Friend Zone isn't a new concept, it is represented in many movies and books throughout time. In the Harry Potter series Severus Snape is the epitome of the example of "friend zoned" as he is placed there early on by Lily Potter and never got out. Gale is Friend Zoned by Katniss in the Hunger Games. George is Friend Zoned by Meredith in favor of McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy. Even Forrest Gump is Friend Zoned by Jenny.

So how do we change the Friend Zone to being a positive rather than negative location? Can it be done? Is it okay for males and females to be friends? 

The Men of Online Dating, Pt 6

It has been awhile since I wrote about the men of online dating ... but as I continue in this adventure I realized that I forgot one of the men you'll meet while fishing in the murky waters of the online dating pool.

The You Look Nothing Like Your Picture Guy

Like so many other times, you find yourself aimlessly scrolling through the pictures of your "matches" that the computer has somehow scientifically decided you belong with ... and there he is. His picture catches your eye and causes your scrolling finger to leap off of the track pad and abruptly stop the stream of eyes imploring you to click on their profile.

You decide that while it may be too good to be true you click on the photograph anyway. You open up the profile and start to read. Your eyes are widening in disbelief as this guy seems way too good to be true - could this be the man you are going to date? Will he respond? Because, hot damn, he is one attractive man (and yes, let's all accept the fact that looks come first in online dating as shallow as that may seem).

So you send him a message and start down the long road of getting to know someone. Miracle of miracles, everything goes swimmingly and you find out that you have a few things in common (okay, 2 things but he is really cute). Ultimately you decide to meet.

You pick a location, you put on your best outfit and you drive to the predetermined location. You wait. And wait. And wait. Finally someone comes up to you and tells you that they are the person you are meeting.

Say whaaaaat? You have no clue who this person is. The name sounds familiar but you have never seen this person before in your life. Is it a big misunderstanding? Or have you just been cat-fished?

The downfall of online dating is that people can seriously change their appearances, likes or dislikes to make themselves more appealing to you. People, own it. Own who you are and be honest with each other. What do you think is going to happen when you meet? Do you think she (or he for that matter) will just hangout with you when she has no idea who you are? Ever hear of stranger danger?

On the flip side ... I have encountered Ross Geller in my online dating foray ... and since he is a fictional character (from Friends in case you have been living under a rock) from a 90's television show ... I'm going to go with he is the perfect example of this time of man.