A Breathe of the Wind

My dad always found himself most at peace in nature. I always thought I was a little disconnected from him in that way. I was never one to sit in a tree stand for hours at the ass crack of dawn holding my breathe for a white tail deer to grace me with its presence. I was never one for pumping my own water and using an outhouse lest a bear get me or the hordes of spiders touched me. I was never one to go to the Boundary Waters Canoe Base in order to canoe for hours at a time, un-showered after using the facilities which just so happened to be a hole in the ground. Oh and that whole carry your  own shit (literally) with you for the rest of the trip? Hell to the no. Then as a teenager I pretended that I enjoyed nature and agreed to hike the mountains of Crested Butte only to whine the entire time. I'm hot. I'm tired. I can't breathe. Are we there yet? I'm sure it annoyed him endlessly. All of this was offered to me along with time with my dad, and yet I preferred to find solace in books and American Girl Dolls.

Realistically it wasn't until college that I really fell in love with nature and hiking. I began to travel and experience the world beyond my own backyard. I began to soak up and find the beauty in the world. I hiked, I walked and I climbed mountains. I spent three summers in Colorado where I felt wonderfully at home and it quickly became my "happy place". The place I imagine myself whenever I feel down or blue.

Now I can find peace in walking trails with the wind swirling around me. I can imagine myself as Pocahontas with all the colors of the wind filling my lungs and opening my eyes to the beauty around me.

It is here that I feel my dad. It won't be at a grave site or looking at his picture - it will be in nature. I can imagine him walking beside me in this solitude as he says, "Can you hear it?" Following which he'll point out and name an obscure animal. It is here that we can share this peace even if I took it for granted so long ago.

The moral of this story? Don't wait for tomorrow for what you hope to accomplish. Spend time with those around you. Learn to love their hobbies, or at least give it a try. Become one with nature and find your happy place. 

The Grass is Always Greener ... Part 2?

You know it is true what they say ,.. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence... Road...river... State border ... Continent ... Head (I rock the white girl Afro and will never be the I woke up like this model, just sayin').

We, as humans, have an innate need to have what others have. To envy them, for their belongings, home, job, appearance. Why is that? Is it so hard to be happy with what we have?

I write this as I am finishing a strict two day liquid cleanse as part of a 30 day overhaul of my nutritional habits. This two day cleanse had me taking in less than 400 calories a day. I sit hear listening to my stomach rumble for the second time of the day, after putting down a book that outlines in great detail the numerous decadent food options in Paris. Let me just tell you that, yes, it is absolutely possible and appropriate to have a love affair with a pastry as this particular book claims. But that is a story for another day.

As I sit here feeling my body rid itself of toxins and excess fat (okay, I wish I could feel it ...), I found myself thinking:

Damn, my thighs are huge. They are like two elephants wrestling for control of the nonexistent thigh gap.

When did my arms get so flabby? I work out at hours of the morning that shouldn't exist. They should be offering up tickets to the gun show by now.

Why do my calves look like they swallowed a grapefruit? When did they get that big and how do I make it stop? Boot season is upon us and I need to be able to zip them up!

I find myself looking at the crazy thin models and other role models of "beauty" and wishing that I could look like them. Shorter. Skinnier. Perfect hair. Perfect white teeth. Amazing wardrobe.

And then I scold myself because I know that my body is MINE. It doesn't belong to anybody else and nobody else can ridicule it without my direct consent. In fact, there are a lot of people in this world who would love to be my "size" even as I envy others. They want my unruly, curly hair. They would love to be my pant size. And they would even love to be as tall as I am (careful with that one ladies, it's hard to wear heels).

I can't help but ask myself: when do we, as a human race, stop paying attention to the neighbor's yard and start to notice just how green ours is?

The Men of Online Dating, Pt 6

It has been awhile since I wrote about the men of online dating ... but as I continue in this adventure I realized that I forgot one of the men you'll meet while fishing in the murky waters of the online dating pool.

The You Look Nothing Like Your Picture Guy

Like so many other times, you find yourself aimlessly scrolling through the pictures of your "matches" that the computer has somehow scientifically decided you belong with ... and there he is. His picture catches your eye and causes your scrolling finger to leap off of the track pad and abruptly stop the stream of eyes imploring you to click on their profile.

You decide that while it may be too good to be true you click on the photograph anyway. You open up the profile and start to read. Your eyes are widening in disbelief as this guy seems way too good to be true - could this be the man you are going to date? Will he respond? Because, hot damn, he is one attractive man (and yes, let's all accept the fact that looks come first in online dating as shallow as that may seem).

So you send him a message and start down the long road of getting to know someone. Miracle of miracles, everything goes swimmingly and you find out that you have a few things in common (okay, 2 things but he is really cute). Ultimately you decide to meet.

You pick a location, you put on your best outfit and you drive to the predetermined location. You wait. And wait. And wait. Finally someone comes up to you and tells you that they are the person you are meeting.

Say whaaaaat? You have no clue who this person is. The name sounds familiar but you have never seen this person before in your life. Is it a big misunderstanding? Or have you just been cat-fished?

The downfall of online dating is that people can seriously change their appearances, likes or dislikes to make themselves more appealing to you. People, own it. Own who you are and be honest with each other. What do you think is going to happen when you meet? Do you think she (or he for that matter) will just hangout with you when she has no idea who you are? Ever hear of stranger danger?

On the flip side ... I have encountered Ross Geller in my online dating foray ... and since he is a fictional character (from Friends in case you have been living under a rock) from a 90's television show ... I'm going to go with he is the perfect example of this time of man.

He's a Stand Up Guy

I recently had a blind date set up to meet with a boy (yes, I'm going to call him a boy) that I was conversing with sporadically for the past month on one of those oh-so-lovely online dating sites. This particular guy was out of state for work for the duration of our conversations and so our conversations were not lengthy or consistent in nature. I didn't know much about him but when he asked if I wanted to meet, I jumped at the chance.

Okay. Okay. I'll tell the truth. I didn't so much jump at the chance ... it was more like dipping the tiniest portion of skin into the water to make sure it was at least tepid before jumping in. But I did touch the proverbial toe to the water and agreed to meet him for a drink at a local dive bar.

There were a few days between when the plan was made and the actual meeting so we exchanged numbers. We participated in some "flexting" (flirty texting for those of you who had to look it up like me) and shared last names. With the sharing of last names comes Facebook stalking (don't look so shocked, we all do it!).  It all pointed to being a good blind date especially after vetting the guy with a mutual-ish friend.

Then the day of the blind date arrived. I held strong throughout the morning but come afternoon I started to participate in the Getting Ready for a Blind Date ritual. You know ... showering, picking out an outfit, texting your friends to say you don't want to go, picking out a new outfit, convincing yourself you aren't going to vomit, picking out another new outfit, and, finally leaving. I already went into detail about the drive to the date in a previous post, so I won't go there.

Let's fast forward a bit ...

You arrive and grab a seat at the bar a few minutes prior to meeting time so you aren't playing the deer in headlights when you walk in. You order a drink and you start to wait, looking calm and collect and trying not to stare a hole in the center of your phone.

And you wait. The clock now says 5 minutes past when you are supposed to meet. You decide he must just be running late and you text your friend to confirm. They agree and tell you to wait a little longer, I'm sure he'll be there any second they say.

And you wait. Now it is 10 minutes past when you are supposed to wait. You nervously look around the bar to see if anybody else is sitting alone. You pray that the creepy guy across the bar is not the one waiting for you, but soon someone joins him. You make small talk with the buzzed lady next to you as you pretend you know anything about the Women's World Cup.

And you wait. After waiting for 20 minutes you decide to leave. After 20 minutes, your blind date is no longer late, they are just not coming. You have officially been stood up at the bar.

There could be a billion reasons why someone doesn't show up for a date. They get lost, get into an accident, come in and turn around when they see you. Or in my particular case, they take a nap and over sleep.

Turns out the boy (see why I say boy???) you were going to meet wasn't the kind of stand up guy you wanted him to be.

My final thoughts for the day - never underestimate the importance of an alarm clock!

Body Positve Or Not?

I have been thinking a lot about body image lately and how it has become such a buzz word and such a movement in the past year. Not a day goes by that I don't see #bodypositive hashtags populating the internet. And don't get me wrong, I am not saying that this is a bad thing. We should be promoting a body positive movement where we see beauty in every person ... however, when did it become the thing to do? What I mean by that is ... when did our body image problems become so detrimental that we need a body positive movement to make us think higher of ourselves?

Body image is something that I have struggled with my entire life. As the chubby child who didn't wear name brand clothes (I LOVED my home made jumpers thank you very much), and whose hair channeled Hermione Granger long before her inception I was often made fun of. Once I added on braces, loving school and glasses? Forget about it. I was every middle school bully's dream.

I grew up envying the "popular" kids around me who were thin, pretty and who could step out of the shower with hair straight out of a Pantene shampoo ad. But why? I was a happy child. I had friends and I got along with my family. So why did I envy the beauty of others rather than focusing on my own, albeit goofy, beautiful self?

The problem of course, or so I believe, stems from the media. When we look at movies, magazines, books, commercials and TV shows it has always been rare to see a "normal" bodied human being represented. Now, I put "normal" in quotation marks because what is normal? When I say normal, I mean that we are not representing a variety of people. Even when the goofy "duff" of a best friend is represented ... the purpose of the movie becomes to make her the belle of the ball. Take off her glasses and run a comb through her hair and voila! She is Cinderella in the flesh. But why can't the goofy, awkward, not put together best friend fall in love with the leading man just as she is? Why is it some major transformation that finally wins him over? Can't he love her for her brains and personality first and looks second?

When this is what we encounter as stimulus overload day after day after day how can we be expected to live a body positive life? 

Harry Potter: Hogsmeade

After your adventure in Diagon Alley be sure to travel in style to Hogsmeade just as the average witch or wizard does on their way to school. Hop aboard the Hogwarts Express! Be sure you have your wand and all wizarding supplies before you head to school!

The Hogwarts Express ride is unique depending on which way you travel so be sure to ride it in both directions. Be sure to pay attention to both the windows and the doors as the adventure is shown on both directions. The train is built to look just like the Hogwarts Express and it is a very comfortable ride between parks. If you get on the train from King's Cross Station you will get to walk through Platform 9 and 10 to enter 9 3/4. Make sure someone in your party stays a few steps behind to capture your movement through the wall.

It does require a park to park ticket to ride so make sure you get one before you go!

Once you finish your ride on the train, head straight to the castle and get in line for this ride. Once again, we only waited about 45 minutes but the line can take several hours. This ride though, is incredibly worth the wait. There is SO much to see and take in throughout the ride. You get a full tour of the castle and the grounds. Take a peek into Dumbledore's office, the herbology classrooms and much, much more!

This ride is REALLY fun but also a bit more like a roller coaster. I feel a little queasy after riding this one, but it is SO. MUCH. FUN. This is another 3D ride and is a twirling, whirling, screaming and screeching kind of ride. Definitely brace your stomach and do the ride even if you don't have rock hard nerves. 

The Flight of the Hippogriff is also a really fun ride. Take a peek at Hagrid's Hunt and meet Buckbeak the Hippogriff on this low stress roller coaster. Fun for the whole family! 

Both parks have a lot of fun live performances, so be sure to check the schedule and take in a few of them! Diagon Alley has more live shows than Hogsmeade but take in the shows in both parks. Don't forget to grab another Butterbeer to enjoy with the show! 

The Harry Potter Experience

To say that I am a Harry Potter fanatic is an understatement. Like a dementor sized understatement.

I completely believe the magic is real and have since I was 10 years old when the first book was released and made its way into my hands. I don't know what it was that originally drew me into the Harry Potter books ... perhaps it was my avid reading or the cover looked interesting ... whatever it was, I was stuck for good.

So, when I learned that Universal Studios opened a SECOND Harry Potter area at their parks in Florida I knew I had to go. The question no longer was how can I make that happen but WHEN can I make that happen? And make it happen, we did. We took a trip to Universal Studios in June and spent 2 1/2 days at the parks.

I walked into the park bouncing like a little girl. I had a huge smile on my face and couldn't contain my excitement as I approached King's Cross Station and Diagon Alley. It didn't matter that I had been awake since 3 am after sleeping for 3 hours ... It was 2 pm and I was FULL of energy. I didn't even know what to do with myself as I saw the Knight Bus parked right outside. There isn't much better than seeing the world you spent so much time in come to life, and better yet? You get to be a part of it.

Was it as cool as I imagined it to be? Better. It was 100% better. Universal did an exceptional job bringing this world to life. It was real and authentic in every way. I can't even begin to describe what it is like to see hundreds of people wandering around in Wizard robes waving their magical wands.

So, how do you make the most of your trip to Universal?

Stay tuned, Potterheads, Stay tuned. 

Have Courage and Be Kind

Tonight I went to see (for the second time) the live action Cinderella with my niece, Isabel.

There is a strong theme that runs through this movie that is actually one that should be heard loud and clear in our world and taken to heart by every Cinderella loving girl or boy. Surprisingly enough it isn't that a new pair of shoes can change your life - though I do openly and  wholly support the purchase of new shoes... But ... The message was much stronger and much more important than that.

Have Courage and Be Kind

What exactly does it mean to be kind? How do we define kindness?

Interestingly enough my students had a guidance class today which was centered on the idea of kindness. Their substitute guidance teacher started the lesson by asking them what it means to be kind to others? My students fumbled with finding a definition that didn't include the word 'kind'. They shared examples like "well it means to be kind to someone else" or "being kind to someone is well, you know, being kind". Nobody could actually offer up a definition of the word kind without using the word itself. They could, on the other hand, offer up a lot of examples of how you can be kind to others.

Kindness can be defined as being friendly, generous and considerate of others.

This definition doesn't seem too difficult to understand. Be friendly. Be generous. Be considerate. It all seems pretty straight forward to me. But ... if it really is that easy, then, why is it so hard to do?

I think the movie meant their phase "Have Courage and Be Kind" to mean two separate things. Have Courage. Be Kind. Two separate entities. I can absolutely see how that would be the case ... but I would disagree. I think that have Courage and be Kind to others can be seen as one message. Have the courage to be kind to others: be friendly, be generous, be considerate.

It takes courage to be friendly to those who are different than ourselves. It takes courage to be friendly to those who have differing beliefs than we do even if we believe they are wrong to our core. It takes courage to be friendly and not roll our eyes, or provide a snippy comment without thinking. It takes courage to be friendly rather than resort to violence or bullying. It takes courage to be kind.

It takes courage to be generous to those who are less fortunate than we are or to those who are more fortunate than we are. It takes courage to be generous with our time when we offer it up to others even when we have so much on our over flowing plates already. It takes courage to be generous to someone we have never met. It takes courage to be kind.

It takes courage to be considerate of others feelings. It takes courage to acknowledge their feelings and that what we say might hurt them. It takes courage to realize that words are stronger than actions. It takes courage to be considerate of how others might feel when you act out against their wishes. It takes courage to be considerate when standing up for what you believe in. It takes courage to be kind.

We all have loads of s*** piling up in our lives that we need to deal with on a daily basis. We all have trials and tribulations that we are fighting to overcome and we are all on different steps of that journey. And even though we would all like to be egocentric in our thoughts, words and actions ... we need to remember the importance of being kind.

Have Courage and Be Kind.

photo from here

Positive

I always considered myself to be a glass half full kind of person. I tirelessly looked for the silver lining on every gray cloud. I consistently put on a cheerful face and embraced the situation as I experienced it.  I always considered life to be a journey and any mishap just added to the adventure. The adventure being a positive experience that we could learn and grow from. When people asked, I would readily describe myself as an optimist. I had a well oiled perma smile that was ready at a moments notice.

I was a glass half full kind of person.
In public.
At school.
At work.
Around most family members and friends.

But perhaps it is time to ask ourselves just what we are doing to ensure that everyone is a glass half full kind of person, even when in private. A person's true feelings and personality may not shine through in the public eye ... but is blazingly obvious and hard to hide when they are alone or with the person they trust most in the world.

This picture/quote has been floating around the blogosphere for the past few weeks and it really got me thinking. How much do we not know about our neighbors, friends or family and are we contributing to the battle? Are we making that battle that much harder or are we offering people a hand in defeating their demons? Are we doing a rain dance to make that uphill climb muddier, or are we showing up with an umbrella and offering to walk besides them?

There has been a lot of talking in the media of different types of 'shaming' that is going on. Whenever we shame someone else for not meeting the ideals that we consider normal, we are hindering them in finding the silver lining in the battle they are fighting. We are bringing the rain down on an already hurtful situation. We are removing droplets of water from their glass half full outlook and encouraging them to focus on the dark rather than the bright, shining silver lining. 

Every time we ridicule someone for being heavier than what society considers to be a normal weight, we take a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we ridicule someone for being skinnier than what society considers to be a normal weight we take a drop from their glass half full.

Every time we ridicule someone for not having the money to dress in the hippest clothes, as identified by their peers, we take a drop from their glass half full.

Every time we minimize a situation that someone is struggling to overcome, whether it be a breakup, losing a job, or a death in the family of someone too old, too young or not yet met, we take a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we minimize someone's self worth because of their chosen profession or the amount of money they make in a year we take a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we ignore a job well done, or conveniently forget to say thank you, you're welcome or please we take a drop from their glass half full.

Every time we compare ourselves to society's standard of beauty we remove a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we take a drop from their glass half full we rob a person who is typically optimistic their optimism.  We encourage them to see the rain rather than the rainbow. We encourage them to focus on the battle rather than the light at the end of the tunnel.

Is that what we want to be doing? In our society is it our goal to focus on the bad? 

We should be focusing on KINDNESS. Being kind to one other and offering to listen, not fix the problem or fight the battle, but to just listen if they wish to talk. To be there for someone and stand besides them and not minimize their feelings. 

The truth of the matter is, is that we don't know who is plastering on the perma smile only to take it off and cry the moment they are alone. We don't know who is fighting the hardest uphill battle of their lives. They may not know that the light exists and the end of the tunnel and everything will feel normal again soon ... it isn't our job to tell them this. It is our job to offer a kind smile, a hug, or a pat on the back. It is our job to show up with a $2 coffee to start their day off right. it is our job to offer a random act of kindness that does not require retribution. 

If all it takes is a little kindness ... why is it so hard to accomplish? 

The Green Eyed Monster

Jealousy is a really interesting concept. It can be something that encourages you do to better or it can be a debilitating pain that you find it hard to control. William Shakespeare described jealous as the green-eyed monster whereas others may consider jealousy a disease. Jealousy is something that creeps into your life without you even thinking about it or encouraging it - it is just there.

Jealousy is defined by Webster as "feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success or advantages." I'm not sure that I agree with that completely. Is it really resentment? Or is it flattery? Or is it just an undying longing to have what the other person has - not through resentment but through longing?

So, I can't help but ask myself ... is it really so bad?

Yes. And No. I think it all depends in the execution.

If you fall in the camp of yes, jealousy is a terrible thing then that tells me that your execution - failing. If you don't get hired for the job and you throw a bitchin' fit in the parking lot, stomping and screaming at the applicant that did get hired ... Then yes, jealousy is a horrendous thing. If you are truly feeling unrelenting resentment towards the other person then yes .... jealousy is a terrible thing. But what is resentment is the wrong word?

Let's continue by exploring the no. Is it really so bad to feel jealous of something that someone else has? When I was a child, the mantra was always that jealousy is the highest form of flattery. If someone has the time and energy to feel jealous of you, then that means they want to be more like you. Therefore, on the other side of that coin ... if you feel jealous of someone else, you are really just experiencing some intense feelings of how much you want what they have or want to be like they are.

In elementary school, you are jealous of someone who has a larger pack of unbroken Crayola crayons that you do. You are jealous because they have something that you want.

In middle school, you are jealous of someone for having cooler clothes than you do or being part of the popular group of students. You don't know the word resentment, you just want what they have more than what you have.

In high school, you are jealous of someone for getting the part you wanted in the play but because they are your friend you are still happy for them. You don't resent them, you just wanted the same part they did.

In the adult years, you are jealous of someone for having all of their ducks in a row. You are jealous of someone who is on the right track. You don't resent them and wish away their happiness, you just want it so desperately for yourself that you feel an intense longing. You remain happy for them, and support and cheer them on along their journey. But in your heart, you feel the green-eyed monster peeking out as you hurriedly squash it down to stay hidden. You hope that your skin isn't starting to turn girl as it channels the wicked witch of the west and pray desperately that no one else will notice.

But the truth of the matter is, this is normal. It is normal to feel jealous and want what others want because the grass is always greener.  Someone's sugar is always sweeter and their rainbows are ever brighter.

So, where do we go from here? How do we feel jealous of someone without it ruining the relationship? How do we feel jealous of someone without letting resentment creep in? How do we feel jealous of someone without letting the inner bitch jump out? I guess we take deep breathes, push the monster back down and move on with our lives.

Growing Up

When you are a child, you think constantly about growing up.
I see this on a daily basis with my students who are acting well beyond their years and dreaming about when they can be a teacher because that means they can run out to Subway for lunch. They dream of growing up for greater freedom and for the ability to make decisions on their own. They think being a grown up sounds easy, and wonderful, and fun. So, I can't help but wonder ... when does that all begin?


The Earliest Years

This yearning to grow up all begins as a young child prior to going to school. There is no age limit to dreaming about your future or pretending to be grown ups. A child's imagination can develop by the age of 2, so even before they are speaking in full sentences they can start imagining their life in different ways.

You start to dress up your friends and siblings (or in my case, forced - sorry Gully-Guh) and coerce them to play house or store with you while you act out your future. It usually includes the required house, car, stellar clothing options and of course 2.5 children and a pet who usually took the form of the nearest Sesame Street stuffed animal. There weren't any obstacles in your way aside from nap time and even that could be incorporated into your game. Your life was perfect in every way and the only thing that could make it better was taking a trip to the 'store' to buy some cookies.

The Middle Years

You enter upper elementary school and you start to get serious about your future. This isn't kids play anymore. You wouldn't dare being caught playing house or dressing up and Mr and Mrs with your friends or, God forbid, your brother. No, there is far to much at stake now.

You start to play M.A.S.H with all of your friends, thinking you were so stealthy to even play if 'behind' your teacher's back while watching Bill Nye. You start to realize that it may not be all gravy to be an adult and you start to factor in some poorer options. You don't only include a mansion, apartment and house you start to include a shack and pray to the sweet baby Jesus that you don't have to live in a shack.

The beauty of the game MASH was that you got to choose the categories and you could imagine your life in as many ways as you wished. The downfall? You always had to include one terrible option in each category. So if you were choosing your future husband you always had to include someone you wouldn't want to marry even if he was the last man on earth - usually taking the form of Screech or Urkel. Yes, you had a 75% chance of choosing the best options, but that 25% was a terrifying factor. The odds start to feel stacked against you and you realize that a lot is left up to fate (or your best friend's counting abilities).

The I'm Almost a Grown Up Years

In high school you start to enter the dating world and for the first time start to look at members of the opposite (or same) sex in a different light. You start to recognize their positive and negative traits and wonder if you could see yourself staying with them at least until the end of high school. You start to recognize that having your parents finally treat you like an adult isn't that great. I mean how are you possibly supposed to pay for your own car insurance, gas and save for college while having a personal life? Can't they see that is impossible and something is just going to have to go?! Don't they want you to develop socially?

Then you leave for college and you are officially a grown you. You live on your own (okay, with 60 of dorm mates) and are required to wake yourself up every morning on your own, attend classes, get your work done AND do your own laundry. Suddenly being a grown up doesn't seem so great. Can't your mom come visit every other weekend and do your laundry so you can go to the hopping house party? No? Well, crap.

Grown Up
Then you become a grown up officially by age and status. You live on your own, hold down a steady job, pay your bills on time and buy your first car. You are responsible for everything in your life and are expected to understand it all. On top of all of that you are supposed to date, get married and start a family. It seems like an awful lot and you start to yearn for the earliest years when you could put your brother in a dress and tell him to play your best friend and you were going shopping.

In the words of Meredith Grey: When did we become adults and how do we make it stop?