Tomorrow and Other Thoughts

Tomorrow marks one year. It marks one year from our world imploding. It marks one year from feeling the world being spun on its axis and finding it impossible to find your footing. Tomorrow marks one year.

February 16. It is a day that most people won't bat an eyelash at. It is just a day, mid-February. Just a day in the shortest month of the year that always feels like the longest. But for us? For the Green family, it marks one year from the date that we got the worst news. It marks the date that we found out our beloved dad, husband, friend, brother, and son had terminal cancer. A disease that had no end in his body and that had no treatment and certainly no cure.

Tomorrow, a year ago, started like any other day. I went to work and I made plans with my love and a friend of ours. We had plans to double date that night, it was a Tuesday and we had planned to go to Wine Guyz for date night. Even as I sat at home, anxiously awaiting Erek's arrival so that we could meet our friends for dinner, I didn't realize anything was amiss. I didn't feel the slight shift in my universe that would soon come crashing down.

It wasn't until my eldest sister sent me a text asking if I could go out to my parents with her that night that anything seemed wrong. You see, this wasn't something that we did. We didn't just drop by my parents house because it was 30 minutes away, in the middle of the country. People didn't just drop by their house.  You always called or texted or facebook messaged to make sure they would be there after driving the distance. When I explained I had plans and she insisted I come with, I knew immediately that it was going to be bad. Denial set in and I couldn't bring myself to face the facts. Denial set in as I refused to listen to the bubbling terror that started in my toes as it shoved the word 'cancer' to the forefront of my mind no matter how many shields my hear threw in its way. I lived in that state of denial until Erek walked in.

Once he walked in, I crumbled. I crumbled to the floor and felt all semblance of hope going with it. With him by my side I could face the truth no matter how much I didn't want to. I sobbed. And I cried. And I wailed. I'm sure I looked like a crazy person as I explained the few facts that I knew and asked him to drive me to my sister's house so that we could go out and deliver the bad news. He was so supportive in that moment and the far too few weeks to come.

525,600 minutes. That is the amount of time that will have passed since our world exploded. While I can't believe it has been that long even though it feels infinitely longer ... I think to myself about the changes that have occurred in that time ...

Kindness has been spread. He preached the importance of kindness and helping others. His vision has spread and people he didn't even meet are committing acts of kindness in his honor.

Life has continued despite our best attempts to freeze time. I got engaged, my brother remodeled his house, we bought and completely remodeled my moms house, puppies were adopted, children grew and we all became a year older. Tears have been shed, laughter has emerged, and memories have been cherished. Loved ones have married and babies were conceived. The youngest grandchildren happily look at his picture and exclaim, "Bumpa!"

While I know he would have given anything to be here for all the happiness, he would have lost some faith in humanity due to our recent election and with that the state of the Union. The very fact that our government is working to break down the protections we have for our natural world would have hurt him deeply. The very fact that we have to have an "Alternative National Parks" page would have caused great dismay. The very fact that our nation is discussing building a wall to keep those who need our help out, would have depressed him. I am glad that he does not know of this heartbreak.

A lot has happened ... and as we head into tomorrow and and the memories that will most certainly flood our memories and knock us all on our assess in the coming weeks .... I ask that you continue to spread seeds of kindness in his honor. Remember the happy times and work to support those around you who need our help. 

A Birthday Request

On the eve of what would be my dad's 62nd birthday, I find myself sitting on the couch watching a home video from December 1986. I would've been 3 months old at the time and my twin and I are being passed around the table from person to person. My sisters and cousin are playing with the game SIMON trying to remember the increasingly complicated patterns. My mom is in and out of the kitchen in her baggy shirt and large 80s glasses. My dad sits at the table with a big, bushy mustache and a full mop of hair atop his head. Grandma (Aunt) Marge is proudly showing off her "Grandma Marge" sweatshirt happily explain that all of the grandkids names are on it with "Andy's being somewhere up here." All of this being filmed with a video camera the size of a 10 pound baby.

It is the picture of happiness. The family is all there and everyone is happy and together. Political strife hasn't driven its wedge between opposing parties within the family and all the people I love are there. These were the good old days (even if I only remember them from videos).

I completely realize that I am a glutton for punishment by watching these videos, especially today. Today when I miss my daddy dearly and yearn for what should have been. I also realize that I am *really* lucky to have these videos so that I can still hear his voice, however painful that is.

Fast forward a few minutes in this sadly blurry video and I hear my dad behind the camera calling. "Carolyn! Caro-lynne-poo! Kevie! Kev Kev Kev Kevie! Carolyn! Caro-lynee-poo!" As he tries to get us to look at the camera.  Something he will never do with my children.

Fast forward a bit more to a scene when mom is feeding me with her right hand while shaking a container of wipes with the other to keep my attention. She is speaking to Grandma Marge and lamenting the fact that if she told Caitlin and Kristen to nap they wouldn't, but if Gary did they would go right up and go to sleep. All of this in the midst of a conversation about Dynasty and the magazine "National Star".

My dad was a good great man . He was a man that was taken too God-damned soon from all of us, but he was a great man. He was a man who was focused on helping others even if it meant massive frustration on his part. He wanted to change things for the better and help everyone he possibly could. He was involved in organizations whose sole focus was to help bring those into nature would couldn't go on their own. He wanted to help others and spread kindness until the very end. He led a life filled with acts of kindness.

Ultimately, I don't know who reads this blog ... but my mom has put out a request and I am requesting the same ... tomorrow, in honor of his birthday let's spread those seeds of kindness far and wide. Do something nice for someone else. Give someone a hug who needs it. Do a random act of kindness for which you receive nothing except the satisfaction of knowing you did good. It is the little things that often have the largest impact. Not sure what to do? Look here for some ideas. So if you are reading, spread those seeds and be kind to one another.

Seeds of Kindness

My dad is was a truly spectacular man. He lived his life full of passion for the things he believed in. He loved his family and friends deeply and he always helped others before himself. He was the type of man that would get fired up over the injustices of the world ... but instead of just complaining, he did his very best to make a difference wherever he could to right the wrongs and the wronged. He volunteered for numerous organizations, even when they did not treat him as he should. He helped his elderly neighbors whenever he was given the chance, even if it was in a position that made him feel uncomfortable. He dedicated his life to serving others and eventually paid the ultimate price. He unknowingly touched and inspired so many people across our globe to do better, be better, love better.

Even in his final days, he spoke of helping others in any way that we can and to remain positive. He spoke of having no regrets. Even to the end, he inspired all of us to live positively and gracefully while we continue to help others.

Somewhere along the way ... he started talking about Planting Seeds of Kindness. This phrase came out of nowhere for me and seemed to be something that grew from a spark in his brain. It may have been from long ago ... but of that I am not sure. His mission throughout his battle in Cancerland was to spread as many seeds of kindness as he could. To help others and be the change that we wish to see in our world. We all found ourselves using that phrase pretty consistently whether it be in conversation or on social media. So, that got me thinking about what exactly ARE seeds of kindness? Do people truly know or are they just using the phrase to carry on his memory?

In my opinion Seeds of Kindness are anything that makes another person feel good, anything that falls under the broad category of paying it forward. Ultimately, I think that is a cop out to just saw that, so I thought I would come up with some examples of how we can Plant the Seeds of Kindness to ensure that they continue to grow and spread in order to create a more beautiful, inclusive world.

Seeds of Kindness

• Paying a meaningful compliment to someone. This doesn't mean to just offhandly say, "Uhm, I like your shirt." But to say what you truly feel is spectactular about the other person. 
• Help Someone Out
• Carry groceries to the car
• Help someone cross the street
• Plug someone meter when it is close to expiring
• Take their dog for a walk on a busy day
• Watch their children when they are in a pinch (or when they are not in a pinch)
• Read to a child
• Read to an adult
• Visit a nursing home and spend time with the residents
• Hold the door open for the person behind you
• Be Present
• Sit and listen to someone when they need to talk
• Be a shoulder to cry on when they need to cry
• Laugh with people when they need to laugh
• Hold their hands when they need to feel less alone
• Take a walk when they need a breather
• Drop off some food to someone who is standing on the corner with a sign
• Make and distribute blessings bags
• Clean out your clothes and donate to someone in need (not just Goodwill!)
• Smile at people when you pass them on the street
• Mow the lawn for someone who cannot do it themselves
• Donate food to a food bank
• Write a note or tell someone how/why you appreciate them
• Say Thank You
• Make someone a mixed tape :)
• Become a Big Brother/Big Sister
• Be the first to say I'm Sorry
• Volunteer your time for a worthy organization
• Clean up a park or highway or neighborhood (but be safe!)

Ultimately there are SO many things that you can do to Plant Seeds of Kindness. I have to believe that once you help someone, then they will turn around and help someone else. Helping others feels good and who doesn't like to feel good? 

So go out. Do good. Help others. Plant Seeds of Kindness. Let's make this world a more beautiful, graceful place.