Tomorrow and Other Thoughts

Tomorrow marks one year. It marks one year from our world imploding. It marks one year from feeling the world being spun on its axis and finding it impossible to find your footing. Tomorrow marks one year.

February 16. It is a day that most people won't bat an eyelash at. It is just a day, mid-February. Just a day in the shortest month of the year that always feels like the longest. But for us? For the Green family, it marks one year from the date that we got the worst news. It marks the date that we found out our beloved dad, husband, friend, brother, and son had terminal cancer. A disease that had no end in his body and that had no treatment and certainly no cure.

Tomorrow, a year ago, started like any other day. I went to work and I made plans with my love and a friend of ours. We had plans to double date that night, it was a Tuesday and we had planned to go to Wine Guyz for date night. Even as I sat at home, anxiously awaiting Erek's arrival so that we could meet our friends for dinner, I didn't realize anything was amiss. I didn't feel the slight shift in my universe that would soon come crashing down.

It wasn't until my eldest sister sent me a text asking if I could go out to my parents with her that night that anything seemed wrong. You see, this wasn't something that we did. We didn't just drop by my parents house because it was 30 minutes away, in the middle of the country. People didn't just drop by their house.  You always called or texted or facebook messaged to make sure they would be there after driving the distance. When I explained I had plans and she insisted I come with, I knew immediately that it was going to be bad. Denial set in and I couldn't bring myself to face the facts. Denial set in as I refused to listen to the bubbling terror that started in my toes as it shoved the word 'cancer' to the forefront of my mind no matter how many shields my hear threw in its way. I lived in that state of denial until Erek walked in.

Once he walked in, I crumbled. I crumbled to the floor and felt all semblance of hope going with it. With him by my side I could face the truth no matter how much I didn't want to. I sobbed. And I cried. And I wailed. I'm sure I looked like a crazy person as I explained the few facts that I knew and asked him to drive me to my sister's house so that we could go out and deliver the bad news. He was so supportive in that moment and the far too few weeks to come.

525,600 minutes. That is the amount of time that will have passed since our world exploded. While I can't believe it has been that long even though it feels infinitely longer ... I think to myself about the changes that have occurred in that time ...

Kindness has been spread. He preached the importance of kindness and helping others. His vision has spread and people he didn't even meet are committing acts of kindness in his honor.

Life has continued despite our best attempts to freeze time. I got engaged, my brother remodeled his house, we bought and completely remodeled my moms house, puppies were adopted, children grew and we all became a year older. Tears have been shed, laughter has emerged, and memories have been cherished. Loved ones have married and babies were conceived. The youngest grandchildren happily look at his picture and exclaim, "Bumpa!"

While I know he would have given anything to be here for all the happiness, he would have lost some faith in humanity due to our recent election and with that the state of the Union. The very fact that our government is working to break down the protections we have for our natural world would have hurt him deeply. The very fact that we have to have an "Alternative National Parks" page would have caused great dismay. The very fact that our nation is discussing building a wall to keep those who need our help out, would have depressed him. I am glad that he does not know of this heartbreak.

A lot has happened ... and as we head into tomorrow and and the memories that will most certainly flood our memories and knock us all on our assess in the coming weeks .... I ask that you continue to spread seeds of kindness in his honor. Remember the happy times and work to support those around you who need our help. 

A Birthday Request

On the eve of what would be my dad's 62nd birthday, I find myself sitting on the couch watching a home video from December 1986. I would've been 3 months old at the time and my twin and I are being passed around the table from person to person. My sisters and cousin are playing with the game SIMON trying to remember the increasingly complicated patterns. My mom is in and out of the kitchen in her baggy shirt and large 80s glasses. My dad sits at the table with a big, bushy mustache and a full mop of hair atop his head. Grandma (Aunt) Marge is proudly showing off her "Grandma Marge" sweatshirt happily explain that all of the grandkids names are on it with "Andy's being somewhere up here." All of this being filmed with a video camera the size of a 10 pound baby.

It is the picture of happiness. The family is all there and everyone is happy and together. Political strife hasn't driven its wedge between opposing parties within the family and all the people I love are there. These were the good old days (even if I only remember them from videos).

I completely realize that I am a glutton for punishment by watching these videos, especially today. Today when I miss my daddy dearly and yearn for what should have been. I also realize that I am *really* lucky to have these videos so that I can still hear his voice, however painful that is.

Fast forward a few minutes in this sadly blurry video and I hear my dad behind the camera calling. "Carolyn! Caro-lynne-poo! Kevie! Kev Kev Kev Kevie! Carolyn! Caro-lynee-poo!" As he tries to get us to look at the camera.  Something he will never do with my children.

Fast forward a bit more to a scene when mom is feeding me with her right hand while shaking a container of wipes with the other to keep my attention. She is speaking to Grandma Marge and lamenting the fact that if she told Caitlin and Kristen to nap they wouldn't, but if Gary did they would go right up and go to sleep. All of this in the midst of a conversation about Dynasty and the magazine "National Star".

My dad was a good great man . He was a man that was taken too God-damned soon from all of us, but he was a great man. He was a man who was focused on helping others even if it meant massive frustration on his part. He wanted to change things for the better and help everyone he possibly could. He was involved in organizations whose sole focus was to help bring those into nature would couldn't go on their own. He wanted to help others and spread kindness until the very end. He led a life filled with acts of kindness.

Ultimately, I don't know who reads this blog ... but my mom has put out a request and I am requesting the same ... tomorrow, in honor of his birthday let's spread those seeds of kindness far and wide. Do something nice for someone else. Give someone a hug who needs it. Do a random act of kindness for which you receive nothing except the satisfaction of knowing you did good. It is the little things that often have the largest impact. Not sure what to do? Look here for some ideas. So if you are reading, spread those seeds and be kind to one another.

Have Courage and Be Kind

Tonight I went to see (for the second time) the live action Cinderella with my niece, Isabel.

There is a strong theme that runs through this movie that is actually one that should be heard loud and clear in our world and taken to heart by every Cinderella loving girl or boy. Surprisingly enough it isn't that a new pair of shoes can change your life - though I do openly and  wholly support the purchase of new shoes... But ... The message was much stronger and much more important than that.

Have Courage and Be Kind

What exactly does it mean to be kind? How do we define kindness?

Interestingly enough my students had a guidance class today which was centered on the idea of kindness. Their substitute guidance teacher started the lesson by asking them what it means to be kind to others? My students fumbled with finding a definition that didn't include the word 'kind'. They shared examples like "well it means to be kind to someone else" or "being kind to someone is well, you know, being kind". Nobody could actually offer up a definition of the word kind without using the word itself. They could, on the other hand, offer up a lot of examples of how you can be kind to others.

Kindness can be defined as being friendly, generous and considerate of others.

This definition doesn't seem too difficult to understand. Be friendly. Be generous. Be considerate. It all seems pretty straight forward to me. But ... if it really is that easy, then, why is it so hard to do?

I think the movie meant their phase "Have Courage and Be Kind" to mean two separate things. Have Courage. Be Kind. Two separate entities. I can absolutely see how that would be the case ... but I would disagree. I think that have Courage and be Kind to others can be seen as one message. Have the courage to be kind to others: be friendly, be generous, be considerate.

It takes courage to be friendly to those who are different than ourselves. It takes courage to be friendly to those who have differing beliefs than we do even if we believe they are wrong to our core. It takes courage to be friendly and not roll our eyes, or provide a snippy comment without thinking. It takes courage to be friendly rather than resort to violence or bullying. It takes courage to be kind.

It takes courage to be generous to those who are less fortunate than we are or to those who are more fortunate than we are. It takes courage to be generous with our time when we offer it up to others even when we have so much on our over flowing plates already. It takes courage to be generous to someone we have never met. It takes courage to be kind.

It takes courage to be considerate of others feelings. It takes courage to acknowledge their feelings and that what we say might hurt them. It takes courage to realize that words are stronger than actions. It takes courage to be considerate of how others might feel when you act out against their wishes. It takes courage to be considerate when standing up for what you believe in. It takes courage to be kind.

We all have loads of s*** piling up in our lives that we need to deal with on a daily basis. We all have trials and tribulations that we are fighting to overcome and we are all on different steps of that journey. And even though we would all like to be egocentric in our thoughts, words and actions ... we need to remember the importance of being kind.

Have Courage and Be Kind.

photo from here