Have Courage and Be Kind

Tonight I went to see (for the second time) the live action Cinderella with my niece, Isabel.

There is a strong theme that runs through this movie that is actually one that should be heard loud and clear in our world and taken to heart by every Cinderella loving girl or boy. Surprisingly enough it isn't that a new pair of shoes can change your life - though I do openly and  wholly support the purchase of new shoes... But ... The message was much stronger and much more important than that.

Have Courage and Be Kind

What exactly does it mean to be kind? How do we define kindness?

Interestingly enough my students had a guidance class today which was centered on the idea of kindness. Their substitute guidance teacher started the lesson by asking them what it means to be kind to others? My students fumbled with finding a definition that didn't include the word 'kind'. They shared examples like "well it means to be kind to someone else" or "being kind to someone is well, you know, being kind". Nobody could actually offer up a definition of the word kind without using the word itself. They could, on the other hand, offer up a lot of examples of how you can be kind to others.

Kindness can be defined as being friendly, generous and considerate of others.

This definition doesn't seem too difficult to understand. Be friendly. Be generous. Be considerate. It all seems pretty straight forward to me. But ... if it really is that easy, then, why is it so hard to do?

I think the movie meant their phase "Have Courage and Be Kind" to mean two separate things. Have Courage. Be Kind. Two separate entities. I can absolutely see how that would be the case ... but I would disagree. I think that have Courage and be Kind to others can be seen as one message. Have the courage to be kind to others: be friendly, be generous, be considerate.

It takes courage to be friendly to those who are different than ourselves. It takes courage to be friendly to those who have differing beliefs than we do even if we believe they are wrong to our core. It takes courage to be friendly and not roll our eyes, or provide a snippy comment without thinking. It takes courage to be friendly rather than resort to violence or bullying. It takes courage to be kind.

It takes courage to be generous to those who are less fortunate than we are or to those who are more fortunate than we are. It takes courage to be generous with our time when we offer it up to others even when we have so much on our over flowing plates already. It takes courage to be generous to someone we have never met. It takes courage to be kind.

It takes courage to be considerate of others feelings. It takes courage to acknowledge their feelings and that what we say might hurt them. It takes courage to realize that words are stronger than actions. It takes courage to be considerate of how others might feel when you act out against their wishes. It takes courage to be considerate when standing up for what you believe in. It takes courage to be kind.

We all have loads of s*** piling up in our lives that we need to deal with on a daily basis. We all have trials and tribulations that we are fighting to overcome and we are all on different steps of that journey. And even though we would all like to be egocentric in our thoughts, words and actions ... we need to remember the importance of being kind.

Have Courage and Be Kind.

photo from here

The State of Teaching

Fair warning ... this post will focus on the downward spiral that is the teaching profession. So if you are a republican supporting, Scott Walker loving, hating public education kinda person ... you can stop reading now. Or better yet, please do read on. Read on and open your eyes to the travesty that is happening in what used to be a great, great state.

A statement released today by the Department of Public Instruction said that, "The legislation being rolled into the biennial budget would require the Department of Public Instruction to license anyone with a bachelor’s degree in any subject to teach English, social studies, mathematics, and science. The only requirement is that a public school or school district or a private choice school determines that the individual is proficient and has relevant experience in each subject they teach."

So. Wait. Let me get this straight. In the state of Wisconsin anybody with a bachelor's degree would receive a teaching license? Anybody? It doesn't even matter what their bachelor's degree is in, they would be licensed to teach English, social studies, math and science?

Someone please tell me, how does having a Bachelor's degree in Business Management gives you the appropriate credentials to teach common core mathematics to a bunch of fourth graders? Please, tell me how a Bachelor's in Business Management is going to help you teach the multiplication place value sections area model to a student who comes from a low income family and can't afford to eat breakfast?

By this logic, I am qualified to do all sorts of things with my life. I have a Bachelor's degree in Education so clearly I am qualified to work in other fields as long as I have relevant experience.
I have flown in a plane and therefore I am qualified to fly a plane.
I have cooked food and therefore I am qualified to be a top chef in a fancy restaurant.
I have sung along to the radio and therefore know that millions of people who like to hear me sing.
I have driven a car and therefore can be the Chief Executive of Automobile Safety.

Right?

Now what do they consider 'relevant experience' in the field? If they aren't required to have a degree in teaching and take courses in each of those subject areas ... where do they receive the relevant experience? Is it enough to have sat through math classes during elementary school - does that count as experience? Where is the line drawn?

On the flip side of this ... we are treating our teachers who have a valid, hard earned teaching license as if they are the scum of the earth. Teachers are required to undergo the Educator Effectiveness evaluation system. The system where we look teachers square in the face and say, "You Suck. Now prove you don't."

Even in the justice system we say that people are innocent until proven guilty. We give them the benefit of the doubt and allow them to state their claim. Yet, we don't give educators the benefit of the doubt. I'm not saying that we don't need an evaluation system. We just need a refined one where we differentiate what teachers are asked to prove. We shouldn't tell all educators that they suck and then ask them to spend 20+ hours to prove their worth to 'the man'. 20+ hours where they could be working on activities that they could use with their students.

I don't know if I know the answers to solve these problems. But I do know that we are not doing right by our students. We are not supporting the teachers who work hard and sometimes even give their lives to support their students. We need to keep qualified educators in the classroom.

Something has got to change or the state of our state will continue to burrow deeper into the mud. 

Positive

I always considered myself to be a glass half full kind of person. I tirelessly looked for the silver lining on every gray cloud. I consistently put on a cheerful face and embraced the situation as I experienced it.  I always considered life to be a journey and any mishap just added to the adventure. The adventure being a positive experience that we could learn and grow from. When people asked, I would readily describe myself as an optimist. I had a well oiled perma smile that was ready at a moments notice.

I was a glass half full kind of person.
In public.
At school.
At work.
Around most family members and friends.

But perhaps it is time to ask ourselves just what we are doing to ensure that everyone is a glass half full kind of person, even when in private. A person's true feelings and personality may not shine through in the public eye ... but is blazingly obvious and hard to hide when they are alone or with the person they trust most in the world.

This picture/quote has been floating around the blogosphere for the past few weeks and it really got me thinking. How much do we not know about our neighbors, friends or family and are we contributing to the battle? Are we making that battle that much harder or are we offering people a hand in defeating their demons? Are we doing a rain dance to make that uphill climb muddier, or are we showing up with an umbrella and offering to walk besides them?

There has been a lot of talking in the media of different types of 'shaming' that is going on. Whenever we shame someone else for not meeting the ideals that we consider normal, we are hindering them in finding the silver lining in the battle they are fighting. We are bringing the rain down on an already hurtful situation. We are removing droplets of water from their glass half full outlook and encouraging them to focus on the dark rather than the bright, shining silver lining. 

Every time we ridicule someone for being heavier than what society considers to be a normal weight, we take a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we ridicule someone for being skinnier than what society considers to be a normal weight we take a drop from their glass half full.

Every time we ridicule someone for not having the money to dress in the hippest clothes, as identified by their peers, we take a drop from their glass half full.

Every time we minimize a situation that someone is struggling to overcome, whether it be a breakup, losing a job, or a death in the family of someone too old, too young or not yet met, we take a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we minimize someone's self worth because of their chosen profession or the amount of money they make in a year we take a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we ignore a job well done, or conveniently forget to say thank you, you're welcome or please we take a drop from their glass half full.

Every time we compare ourselves to society's standard of beauty we remove a drop from their glass half full. 

Every time we take a drop from their glass half full we rob a person who is typically optimistic their optimism.  We encourage them to see the rain rather than the rainbow. We encourage them to focus on the battle rather than the light at the end of the tunnel.

Is that what we want to be doing? In our society is it our goal to focus on the bad? 

We should be focusing on KINDNESS. Being kind to one other and offering to listen, not fix the problem or fight the battle, but to just listen if they wish to talk. To be there for someone and stand besides them and not minimize their feelings. 

The truth of the matter is, is that we don't know who is plastering on the perma smile only to take it off and cry the moment they are alone. We don't know who is fighting the hardest uphill battle of their lives. They may not know that the light exists and the end of the tunnel and everything will feel normal again soon ... it isn't our job to tell them this. It is our job to offer a kind smile, a hug, or a pat on the back. It is our job to show up with a $2 coffee to start their day off right. it is our job to offer a random act of kindness that does not require retribution. 

If all it takes is a little kindness ... why is it so hard to accomplish? 

The Trouble with Adulting....

The trouble with adulting is when you say yes. You wouldn't think that such a teeny, tiny three letter word could cause so much trouble. I mean, isn't saying yes a good thing?

Would you like a cookie? Yes.
Would you like a free vacation? Yes.
Would you like some wine? Yes.
Would you like me to pay your loans off for you? Yes.
Would you like 1 million dollars no strings attached? Yes.
Would you like to date this super attractive, down to earth actor? YES, please.

All of those seem like incredibly easy things to say yes to. Complete no brainers. In fact Tina Fey tells us to say yes and figure it out later. But therein lies the problem, at least for me.

I am the type of person that says yes. I am a yes (wo)man. I have a certain brand of tourettes that comes out when people are looking for help at a meeting. Someone asks for help and without even thinking I find myself should "yes yes yes yes yes yes yes" until my name is written down on yet another committee or signed up to plan yet another event.

Picture this:

You are sitting in a meeting, we will call it a staff meeting. You are surrounded by 30+ other people who are all hearing the exact same message you are. Suddenly it comes to the point in the meeting where the presenter is asking, no, begging for help. The, up to this point, noisy meeting has become quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Nay, quiet enough to hear the hearts beating out of people's chests as they attempt to avoid any type of eye contact. You can almost hear the sounds of 60+ pairs of eyes slides from the presenter to anywhere but.

You try your absolute hardest to keep your eyes on your paper. You start to nervously doodle and tap your pen which only draws more attention to you. You feel your eyes failing you as they start to rise toward the speaker, the damn traitors.

You quickly glance up and try to coerce your eyes back to the table before anybody noticed, but it is too late. You made eye contact with the presenter and here is where it all ends for you. You might as well promise the speaker your first born (furry or otherwise) because all bets are lost at this point. It is time to wave the white flag and surrender. You start the staring contest that inevitably ends with you saying yes. You can't take it anymore. Too much eye contact, too much silence. So you start to chant "no no no no" in your mind. Your new mantra - you swear you will take the word NO to the grave. Unfortunately your body has other plans to betray you because no matter how much you scream NO inside your head you suddenly realize that your ears are tuning into the words yes bubbling out of your mouth.

It may not be a strong yes to start. Just a mere whisper. But it is enough. That whisper was heard by the entire room. The presenter comes a little closer and asks you to repeat what you said. Here, in a last ditch effort, you try to get the word no to come out of your mouth. But your body fails you again, and before you know it people are smiling and nodding their heads knowingly in your direction. They may appear to be thanking you for volunteering but in all honesty they have their own mantras running through their heads.

It may go something like this:
Sucker!
I knew she would give in first.
She always says yes so I don't have to.
Maybe I should say yes sometime to give her a break ... HAHAHAHAHA, yea right.
Phew. I survived another meeting without getting roped into another acronym of a meeting.

I don't know if it is a genetic deficiency or what, but for some of us it is nearly impossible to say no. We write notes to ourselves in meetings that say "keep your mouth shut" and then we trace it over and over again whenever we feel the word yes getting ready to vomit its way out of our mouth. Sometimes we even tag team it. When your BFF is getting ready to produce some word vomit of her own we vigorously tap her paper or throw a SHH in her direction. Hopefully it helps. Though if she keeps quiet, then you are dooming yourself to yes-hood. And if someone asks us directly? Then forget it, yes is the only option.

I'm not saying we should never say yes. I am saying that we need to learn how to say it within reason. We cannot keep saying yes and loading our plates so full that they are cracking down the middle. Because suddenly the one crack will spider web its way out and you will continue to super glue it together until it cannot take anymore. It will break and so will you. We need to make sure that when we say yes, we aren't also saying no to ourselves.

On that note ... I leave you with a few creative ways to say no.

• No thank you. This is not a priority for me right now.
• I would rather shove a lightsaber into my eye. Or yours.
• This sounds like the perfect opportunity for you. You would be amazeballs at this.
• I would rather listen to "It's a Small World" on repeat, for 12 hours.
• My gut is telling me I would be terrible for this job.
• Respond by asking them if they would like a cookie. (only if you can pony up)
• "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request." 
• No way, Jose.

The Green Eyed Monster

Jealousy is a really interesting concept. It can be something that encourages you do to better or it can be a debilitating pain that you find it hard to control. William Shakespeare described jealous as the green-eyed monster whereas others may consider jealousy a disease. Jealousy is something that creeps into your life without you even thinking about it or encouraging it - it is just there.

Jealousy is defined by Webster as "feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success or advantages." I'm not sure that I agree with that completely. Is it really resentment? Or is it flattery? Or is it just an undying longing to have what the other person has - not through resentment but through longing?

So, I can't help but ask myself ... is it really so bad?

Yes. And No. I think it all depends in the execution.

If you fall in the camp of yes, jealousy is a terrible thing then that tells me that your execution - failing. If you don't get hired for the job and you throw a bitchin' fit in the parking lot, stomping and screaming at the applicant that did get hired ... Then yes, jealousy is a horrendous thing. If you are truly feeling unrelenting resentment towards the other person then yes .... jealousy is a terrible thing. But what is resentment is the wrong word?

Let's continue by exploring the no. Is it really so bad to feel jealous of something that someone else has? When I was a child, the mantra was always that jealousy is the highest form of flattery. If someone has the time and energy to feel jealous of you, then that means they want to be more like you. Therefore, on the other side of that coin ... if you feel jealous of someone else, you are really just experiencing some intense feelings of how much you want what they have or want to be like they are.

In elementary school, you are jealous of someone who has a larger pack of unbroken Crayola crayons that you do. You are jealous because they have something that you want.

In middle school, you are jealous of someone for having cooler clothes than you do or being part of the popular group of students. You don't know the word resentment, you just want what they have more than what you have.

In high school, you are jealous of someone for getting the part you wanted in the play but because they are your friend you are still happy for them. You don't resent them, you just wanted the same part they did.

In the adult years, you are jealous of someone for having all of their ducks in a row. You are jealous of someone who is on the right track. You don't resent them and wish away their happiness, you just want it so desperately for yourself that you feel an intense longing. You remain happy for them, and support and cheer them on along their journey. But in your heart, you feel the green-eyed monster peeking out as you hurriedly squash it down to stay hidden. You hope that your skin isn't starting to turn girl as it channels the wicked witch of the west and pray desperately that no one else will notice.

But the truth of the matter is, this is normal. It is normal to feel jealous and want what others want because the grass is always greener.  Someone's sugar is always sweeter and their rainbows are ever brighter.

So, where do we go from here? How do we feel jealous of someone without it ruining the relationship? How do we feel jealous of someone without letting resentment creep in? How do we feel jealous of someone without letting the inner bitch jump out? I guess we take deep breathes, push the monster back down and move on with our lives.

Growing Up

When you are a child, you think constantly about growing up.
I see this on a daily basis with my students who are acting well beyond their years and dreaming about when they can be a teacher because that means they can run out to Subway for lunch. They dream of growing up for greater freedom and for the ability to make decisions on their own. They think being a grown up sounds easy, and wonderful, and fun. So, I can't help but wonder ... when does that all begin?


The Earliest Years

This yearning to grow up all begins as a young child prior to going to school. There is no age limit to dreaming about your future or pretending to be grown ups. A child's imagination can develop by the age of 2, so even before they are speaking in full sentences they can start imagining their life in different ways.

You start to dress up your friends and siblings (or in my case, forced - sorry Gully-Guh) and coerce them to play house or store with you while you act out your future. It usually includes the required house, car, stellar clothing options and of course 2.5 children and a pet who usually took the form of the nearest Sesame Street stuffed animal. There weren't any obstacles in your way aside from nap time and even that could be incorporated into your game. Your life was perfect in every way and the only thing that could make it better was taking a trip to the 'store' to buy some cookies.

The Middle Years

You enter upper elementary school and you start to get serious about your future. This isn't kids play anymore. You wouldn't dare being caught playing house or dressing up and Mr and Mrs with your friends or, God forbid, your brother. No, there is far to much at stake now.

You start to play M.A.S.H with all of your friends, thinking you were so stealthy to even play if 'behind' your teacher's back while watching Bill Nye. You start to realize that it may not be all gravy to be an adult and you start to factor in some poorer options. You don't only include a mansion, apartment and house you start to include a shack and pray to the sweet baby Jesus that you don't have to live in a shack.

The beauty of the game MASH was that you got to choose the categories and you could imagine your life in as many ways as you wished. The downfall? You always had to include one terrible option in each category. So if you were choosing your future husband you always had to include someone you wouldn't want to marry even if he was the last man on earth - usually taking the form of Screech or Urkel. Yes, you had a 75% chance of choosing the best options, but that 25% was a terrifying factor. The odds start to feel stacked against you and you realize that a lot is left up to fate (or your best friend's counting abilities).

The I'm Almost a Grown Up Years

In high school you start to enter the dating world and for the first time start to look at members of the opposite (or same) sex in a different light. You start to recognize their positive and negative traits and wonder if you could see yourself staying with them at least until the end of high school. You start to recognize that having your parents finally treat you like an adult isn't that great. I mean how are you possibly supposed to pay for your own car insurance, gas and save for college while having a personal life? Can't they see that is impossible and something is just going to have to go?! Don't they want you to develop socially?

Then you leave for college and you are officially a grown you. You live on your own (okay, with 60 of dorm mates) and are required to wake yourself up every morning on your own, attend classes, get your work done AND do your own laundry. Suddenly being a grown up doesn't seem so great. Can't your mom come visit every other weekend and do your laundry so you can go to the hopping house party? No? Well, crap.

Grown Up
Then you become a grown up officially by age and status. You live on your own, hold down a steady job, pay your bills on time and buy your first car. You are responsible for everything in your life and are expected to understand it all. On top of all of that you are supposed to date, get married and start a family. It seems like an awful lot and you start to yearn for the earliest years when you could put your brother in a dress and tell him to play your best friend and you were going shopping.

In the words of Meredith Grey: When did we become adults and how do we make it stop?

Dear Future Husband

Not too long ago my ex dumped me. It was a pull-the-rug-out-from-under-your-feet-slam-your-face-into-the-wall kind of dumping. Now don't get me wrong, we've all been dumped before and I'm not asking you to whip out the mini violins and play me a depressing aria ... I am merely preparing you for what follows.

This particular ex is one that I thought I was going to marry. I thought he was my one and only, my lobster, my perfect catch, kindred spirit, my partner. I thought I was done with the dating game, but that was not the case.

Throughout our relationship and during the breakup I found that I identified with many songs that helped support the euphoria or ease the pain. Now that I am post breakup, with occasional wallowing, I am identifying with a whole new set of songs.

The incomparable Meghan Trainor released a new single not to long ago entitled Dear Future Husband. It is a catchy tune that is spot on to what much of the single, female population of the world experiences. Her song is written/sung as a letter to her future husband explaining the many things that he will need to know to make the relationship a success! This song should be a prerequisite for all relationships from this moment forward. You want to date me? Sweet, listen to this song. If you agree, we are golden. If not, hit the road Jack.

So I thought to myself ... if I could write a letter to my future mate, what would I want to say exactly? What would be the most important things to include to ensure a successful and happy marriage? At the risk of not boring you to pieces I have written out only my first five points that I would include in my letter to a future husband.

Dear Future Husband ...

-It is okay to have varied interests. We don't need to do everything together 100% of the time. Go out, be with your guy friends and own it.
-Alone time is good. It is healthy even. Embrace it and revel in it, once the kids come alone time will most likely be few and far between.
-Compromise. Life isn't a one way street. Traffic is going to be coming from all directions and you must do your best to work together to navigate the streets but at some point you are going to need to turn right on red.
-Chivalry isn't dead. I am a modern woman and yes, I can open the door myself, but please do it for me every once in awhile. It makes me feel special.
-Apologize and that goes for me too. It is okay to be wrong but man up and apologize.


What would be yours?

Getting Ready for an Online Date

This part of the evening is terrifying.

It is a roller coaster of emotions where you go from being excited at the prospect of meeting someone new and the feeling of wanting to throw up everything you have eaten today. It is a constant back and forth between going and picking up your phone to cancel due to some family emergency or sudden illness.

This could end in one of three ways.
1) You reschedule and force yourself to go.
2) You reschedule and cancel on him again.
3) You cancel and then ignore all further communication from him until he finally gives up and takes the hint.

Once you finally decide that you will jump into the scalding hot water that is a blind date … you start to panic because you have no idea what to wear. Even if you are going to a casual locale you have to worry about looking pretty enough, sexy enough, normal enough, interesting enough and all the other enoughs you can think of. Which if you ask me (and since you are reading this you ARE asking me), is a load of crap. Why does it matter? Shouldn’t he like you for being you? Even if being you means showing up in yoga pants and a sweatshirt?? Okay, even I suggest wearing something a little fancier than yoga pants on a blind date … but hey, to each their own.

Honestly, I think that any type of first date should occur when you are at your grungiest. Messy hair, way casual clothes and sans make-up for the ladies. Because honestly, if he can find any semblance of attraction towards you when you are dressed like that? Then there shouldn’t be a problem when you are dressed up. It also allows you to get the awkwardness of the first dressed-down evening out of the way. This is what you get babe, take it or leave it.

So you decide to go, you figure out what to wear. Now what? Now comes what I think is the worst part. Driving to the pre-determined location because he can’t pick you up at your home - what if it is awful and now he knows where you live??? So you drive over there, convincing yourself to calm down, stop sweating, and no don’t you even think about turning the car around. You park, get out of the car and now you have to try to recognize the man you are meeting from a few shameless selfies he posted on the dating site and you pray to the sweet Lord that he looks like his pictures (he I am sure is doing the exact same thing). If you are lucky the place you are meeting isn’t busy. If it is, you get to play the blank faced person standing at the door searching the locale for someone you vaguely recognize.

You finally see each other. Greet each other awkwardly and sit down. Now what? Now you are forced to make polite conversation with each other for a set amount of time to find out if there is a spark. This doesn’t seem too difficult, but factor in the fact that you have been e-mailing for weeks and have already asked the first date favorites question.

If you somehow manage to survive all that you owe yourself a massive drink or a ginormous piece of chocolate. All that remains now is to decide if you want to see him again … or if you get to start the process all over with someone else.

The Men of Online Dating Pt 5

Please Be My Future Husband Guy

Despite everything I’ve already said … this guy does exist. This is the guy whose profile pops up and you feel your breath catch in your throat. You see the pictures and feel the twinge of attraction. You see that he wants children and your heart skips a beat. You scroll down and read his about me section to find out that he has a steady job, owns his own home, wants a wife and children in the future and he is serious about finding a long term partner.

You think to yourself … can this really be true? Through all of the rubble is there actually a sparkling gem peering out? A diamond in the rough perhaps? So you steal your nerves and you send him a message. You wait with bated breath for a response and when it finally comes you feel your heart being ripped out of your chest. For this guy will always be kind enough to respond and let you know that he actually has a serious girlfriend now.

Please be my future husband guy … HIDE your profile when you find a girl. Stopping dragging poor single ladies hearts through the mud by sharing your stellar profile and plans for your future.. It just isn’t right.

However, there are more. Somewhere. You may need to dig a little deeper, break out the pick axe and call your dwarves to help because it is off to work we go. He is out there, I hope, and he can be found. Please Be My Future Husband Guy just requires a little more digging, a little more hope and a little more persistence.

The Men of Online Dating Pt 4

The Check-My-Abs-Out Guy

This guy is actually one of my favorites of the people you meet online. I think this guy is my favorite because he just doesn’t see what he is doing as a problem. This is the guy whose profile you open and when you go to check out the pictures they are ALL incredibly up close and personal photographs of his abs. Now, don't get me wrong every one likes a good six pack ... but please also include your face.

Boys, I don’t know why you think this is an excellent idea but an alarming number of you do. Do you really think we are all that shallow? That we won’t even consider dating you if you don’t prove to us that you have a six pack? Forgetting the fact that this close up picture never shows a face so we don’t actually know that it belongs to you.

Most girls are more interested in what you have to say in the about me section than what your abs look like. Yes, we absolutely need to feel some level of attraction to you if we hope to have a future with you. I’m sorry, but you aren’t going to get down and dirty with someone you aren’t attracted to - that is a fact of life. If you don’t support that feeling … then be sure to search out Wants-Casual-Dating-Only guy.

My advice to abs guy? Also, please include a close up photo of your face. You could be an amazing catch that has the added bonus of great abs but we don’t know that because we have a hard time tearing our eyes away from that photo. (So we still may enjoy looking at it even if it doesn’t get you the date!)

The Men of Online Dating Pt 3

The I’m Older and More Experienced Guy

This guy always makes me angry. One of the first things you do on online dating is set the range of ages you are willing to date. The purpose of doing this is so that you don’t have someone twice your age contacting you in hopes of meeting you. Unfortunately, this does not always work.

More than once in my many days of online dating have I had someone contact me to see if I was interested in getting to know one another. Despite the fact that my profile clearly states that the oldest person I would be willing to date at this time is 5 years my senior … sure go ahead and contact me. It isn’t weird at all that you could be my father. I realize that some people find that sexy ... but gross. I don’t want to date my father. I don’t want to find out what an old man’s body looks like nor do I want to learn about the trials and tribulations of growing older. This guy will usually try to make his age a selling point stating that he is very experiences and knows what women want. Here’s the thing grandpa … I want to figure out that kind of stuff with someone who wasn’t lamenting their thirties the year I was born.

The Men of Online Dating Pt 2

The Wants-Only-Casual-Dating Guy

This guy … This guy is a gem. This is the guy who enters the party with his pants hanging down below his ass, walking in with what can only be described as swagger. He makes his way through the party talking with any eligible girl that he thinks he has a shot at “getting with” that evening.

Online dating with Casual Dater isn’t that much different. He clearly states on his profile that he “isn’t interested in anything serious, only casual dating”. That is the really high-class way of saying he is looking for a booty call. He is looking for a one night stand and for some reason he chose to create an online dating profile rather than logging onto tinder or checking the personal ads of craigslist.

The beautiful thing about online dating is that you can specify that you do not want people like this to contact you for an ‘intimate encounter’. The problem with that? It doesn’t work. If you have been in an online dating situation and NOT been contacted by this type of person? Then you are one in a million, my friend. Count yourself incredibly lucky and then watch your back because it is coming.

Is a cow birth like a human birth?

Today I took my students on one of their all time favorite field trips of the year which, of course, happens to be my least favorite field trip of the entire year. This is a field trip where we traipse around town visiting three local farms. This trip gives our students the opportunity to visit three different types of farms and learn about what they do and how they work. This field trip is put on by the local FFA high school students, many of whom do a wonderful job.

This trip can be incredibly educational, especially for those students who have never had the opportunity to visit a farm before. Today became an interesting day, as the farm field trip typically does.

Today our students had the unique opportunity to see a calf being born. This is an incredibly amazing experience that most students will never have the opportunity to witness. In fact, it is an opportunity that most adults will never have the opportunity to witness.

However ... this does open up a massive door to questioning about how the birth process works. And because my students are inquisitive nine and ten year olds ... it absolutely bridges the gap that leads to how the human birth process works.

Imagine this...

I approach the dry dock station with a group of 12 fourth graders. Here we can easily see that one heifer is secluded from the others in the dry dock. The high schooler tells us that she is in labor right now. She asks questions of our students such as: how long do you think the gestation period is and how many calves can a heifer have?

When students failed to answer the gestation period correctly with responses such as 3 months, 1 year, 15 months and 6 months she explained that it was the same as human births. Finally, students were able to respond that it was a 9 month gestation period as they stare with wide open eyes at the heifer who know has legs protruding from ... well ... you know where. Their eyes are saucers as they try to take it all in.

Excited whispers abound. Are those legs? What is happening? Why is she making that noise? Is she really just eating?

As we are ushered quickly to our next station, my students surround me and ask several questions about how long labor can last and if it is the same for human babies. They ask questions about what the purpose of a bull or steer cow is and how the heifer gets pregnant. They ask if this is a similar process to a human baby? Then they ask about the process of labor and if it is similar to human labor.

Now, it is my turn to have eyes as big as saucers. I was a deer standing frozen in the headlights of a semi barreling down the highway. How do you answer such questions when your general mantra is to avoid the 'how babies are born' question like the plague?

To that, I have no answer. I responded with a, "Make sure you are listening to the presenter" and prayed continuously that they don't remember their questions tomorrow!

At the end of the day, a beautiful calf was born to the amazement of all students on the trip.

The Men of Online Dating Pt 1

The Men Of Online Dating

There might be a lot of fish in the sea … but the question remains, do you want to get caught by one of the available men? There are many types of men that you will encounter when online dating… I never realized just how many species of men there were, but you will meet a lot of them online.

God’s Gift To Women

The man we shall henceforth call “God’s Gift to Women” is an interesting specimen. This is the man who is incredibly full of himself and who is not asking what he can do for you, but more importantly, what you can do for him! God’s Gift to Women is usually quite attractive and so it can be hard to look past the striking beauty to see the jerk that lies within. But a jerk he is and eventually you will see his true colors flying free. This is the guy who will tell you that you are still single because you enjoy the comforts of yoga pants. You obviously don’t know how to dress for your man!

God’s Gift To Women has no concern whatsoever in being chivalrous. His idea of an opening line is to tell you his shirt is made of boyfriend material and in the same breath tell you he looks good. In the world of online dating, you can see a glimpse into his true personality by reading his about me section.

If you do decide to take the time to scroll down and look in the about me section you will see such compelling, thoughtful statements such as “I’m looking for a girl who dresses sexy to keep her man interested” and ‘I’m looking for a girl who knows how to make her man happy” quickly followed by “I like a girl with a nice, firm ass.” And ladies? If you are still blinded by the beauty and decide to date this guy, you can look forward to a completely stress free first date at the gym. Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll let you be his spotter.

Not So Measured Musings

Personally, I think that Beyonce has it all wrong. She is singing an anthem to the single ladies of the world lamenting the fact that if you liked it you shoulda put a ring on it. Maybe she has it all wrong, maybe the goal isn't to finally put a ring on it but just to find someone you may someday have the briefest glimmer of wanting to put a ring on it. The problem is that when you reach a certain age and a certain point in your career path and you find yourself still living the single life ... you stop worrying about putting a ring on it but start worrying about where you may find the man who could someday put it there.

Gone are the days of meeting someone out in the real world in a “meet cute” situation. No longer are we living in the days of Humphrey Bogart and Ava Gardner where the man flawlessly and romantically sweeps a girl off her feet. Gone are the days when you just happen to bump your cart into another as you turn the corner - and the other cart happens to be being pushed by a single, tall, dark and handsome man. Gone are the days of flowers, swooning, opening doors and wooing of ladies.

If all of that is gone … I can’t help but ask myself - is it really worth it?

Well, as long as you are still a hopeless (hopeful???) romantic such as myself you want to think that the dream of the meet cute is still alive. Except, your meet cute isn’t going to happen randomly at the store. It has to happen online as you weed through the millions of profiles of online daters. It has to happen in the bizarrest form of speed dating where instead of talking about yourself, you write a personal ad and hope that one of the millions of fish in the sea take a chance and bite at your hook.

So join me people of the Blogger world ... Join me on the journey of my not so measured musings where I chronicle the trials of online dating, teaching and anything else that comes to mind.